Wine making is lower-pressure than beer-making. Wine doesn't explode. You're just as prone to failure. You comfortably need a spare closet, ideally a motorcycle's worth of garage, and a kitchen large enough to sling 5-gallon buckets around comfortably.

Kleinbl00 Klan Kornbread

Preheat oven to 400F

1 C cornmeal (the real stuff, chunky and grainy)

1/2 C flour (any)

1 t. salt

1 t. sugar

3 t. baking powder (also known as 1T but why dirty more than 1 measuring spoon)

1C milk

1 egg

~3T bacon fat

Heat cast-iron skillet over stove. Melt bacon grease in it.

Combine dry ingredients.

Coat bottom and sides of skillet with bacon grease. Dump excess into dry ingredients.

Add milk & egg, mix with a fork. Don't worry about small lumps.

Pour batter into skillet, 3/4" or so deep, 3/4" or so freeboard.

Bake 12-15min.

Klan Kleinbl00 blacK bean(K)s

1 bag black beans

5-8 c chicken or turkey stock (one of those frozen ziploc bags from the last time you rendered a carcass)

shit tons of cumen

shit tons of paprika

a bay leaf

marjoram

good handful of salt

shit tons of ground pepper

Less of that red chile powder you got from the Homeland than you think because holy fuck is it hot

Other spices that seem like a good idea

OPTIONAL BUT PREFERRED: 1 ham hock, smoked vertebra, random salt pork chunk, leftover chicken wing, some bacon, whatever

Throw in pressure cooker. Heat until it locks. Let it rock for like 30-40 minutes. Eat crunchier than that shit you get in a can.

VARIATION: Kleinbl00 Klan KPinto KBeans

Substitute shit tons of oregano for the paprika.

ADDITION: BREAKFAST BEYOTCH

Take leftover beans. Poach egg on top. Add avocado, salsa, corn tortillas and nonfat greek yogurt.