Ahh, now I see where you were going with it, I don't think I was privy to the previous discussion.

I'm aware of that definition. I find the definition problematic because one partner might say this: It's a private affair that I do in my own time. It doesn't affect my feelings for you at all. It doesn't affect our relationship at all. Consequently there is no need for me to tell you, because it's private.

The other person might feel differently.

Yeah, that can be one of those deep rifts that splits a good thing right up. Some people would benefit from having a mediator to raise introspective questions and to promote communication. Some people seem to be able to self-analyze and iron out the wrinkles themselves.

You could probably make an argument that every moment of time in an intense relationship, there exists a different "feel" (to each person, even!) than any other moment of time for anyone else. Thanks, brains. We're all going to make some unique iterations of boundary lines.

Case in point, lil's last paragraph. Would be interesting to see demographics on swingers, and other relationship/social practices. The reports of massive gay porn consumption in the middle east were awesome, after all.