Really, I guess it sounded smug to you guys. My dad worked on wall street and made it, and then lost it when I had just gotten in to college. Most people would call me privileged, and yeah, you're right. I did grow up privileged. I have a nice car, and I have/had(previously) nice things. Plus I've gotten lucky with a lot of circumstances in my life.

But is it really that hard to understand that I no longer have the privilege, that I need to support my parents and my sisters? My parents don't have the money to pay for younger sister's education, and my older sister is still living at home. My parents are more worried about my drug use than either of my sisters, and it used to be the other way around. I'm stable and able to support myself but I need to make it to support them. But I really can't let them know about what I'm going through mentally. That's my real issue. My family RELIES on me but I'm not even stable enough to rely on my self. Most of the way I've gotten by way through drinking, some other drugs, and my sex life. My parents take nearly 50% of what I've made over the summer just to stay afloat, and I gave it to them.

This isn't okay. But I don't have a better way to keep control. I just keep running into the same problems. My family used to have money, but now we are having a large amount of trouble, and it has been around for a long time. I can't handle this trouble along with my own issues. I have trouble contacting my own family since they only talk about those issues.

That is really where this call for help is coming from. I can't abandon my family, but I need to be able to live comfortably. Do I have to wait 'till I finally am financially independent next year? And more importantly can I keep my sanity while dealing with basically 6 credits of school courses on top of a full time job? Who the fuck knows? I guess I'm just nervous and frustrated. How the fuck am I supposed to support my sister who dropped out of college, my other sister who should be able to get the education she needs no matter what, and my parents that I care way too much about to be sitting here 200 miles away, both that should have retired already and be fucking happy.