I think that positive thinking (instead of "I'm an idiot" think "I made a mistake and it's fixable," for instance) is one way we can do this. I also think that having an awareness of our own faults and flaws, and revising our expectations based on them, and our actions as well, can help. For instance, to revisit the topic of the bartender I like, I mentioned to my sister that one reason I'm worried about liking him is because it could ruin my bar/third place. My sister, ever succinct, said "Well ref, just don't be a bitch like usual." - The point being, I have my own flaws that contribute to poorly-ended relationships, and maybe if I approach this situation like an adult and set expectations for communication and adult-ness going in, I can avoid [some] fall-out if we were to date and things were to go south. I think having uncommunicated expectations that then, unsurprisingly, go unrealized, is a big factor with new relationships.