Okay

It's 1:15 AM and I've been playing Smash for like 48 hours straight. I close my eyes and all I see are d-airs and chain-grabs and counter-counters. It's really cold and somebody broke one of those thingies that are supposed to hold my glasses to my ear. It's way too late into the night to be listening to a Shabba remix but I'm too lazy to move across the room and change the song. Dammit, now it's playing Fuckin' Problem. I was about to go to bed after brushing my teeth, and I got my sock wet.

Even this unfortunate set of circumstances can't prevent me from commenting on how fucking stupid this article is.

Satire is really hard to do and the problem is that everybody with a keyboard and half a brain thinks they can take a topic to task by being smug as fuck and writing some sentences.

Which is exactly what this "article" does, as I realized after having to open a separate browser first because fuck thoughtcatalog aka the upworthy that doesn't think its upworthy, but is actually smugger upworthy with none of the pretense. It's? I don't know at this point.

This shit's been done to death. And I don't give a shit if this is a 2 year old article. It was done to death then too. Caleum (and I seem to have a habit of throwing you into the crossfire, sorry bruh) seems to inadvertently touched on it - hitting pretty much every note for the illusive "neck beard," only missing cheeto dust, doritos, and a reference to the newest Call of DUty.

Which is interesting to me, because it feels to me like the neck beard is the true hippogriff here - has anybody met one of these fuckers? I can count, with an intense two minute brianstorm, MAYBE 3 people that hit a few of the checkmarks that a neckbeard is supposed to have - and even then, only a FEW of those aspects - they were still, generally, not the people that this "article" (let me know if I miss the air quotes at any point) claims exist.

There's no "shame into improvement" in this "satire" (MORE AIR-QUOTES) - it's just pointing and laughing at a person that doesn't exist. You do that shit in real life you look like a crazy person. It's the Anti-Redditor. The Nega-SJW. They're just words that have become concepts that don't mean anything. We're laughing at nothing.

All that said, I don't know shit about flirting. The only "game" I have involves a 3DS and a bus-ride to class and back. So maybe I'm wrong! Maybe this is a person that exiss. But I'd be hard-pressed to believe they're even slightly more annoying than whatever prick wrote this, every shortened stub of a sentence supposed to create a tone that I can't put my finger on but that is pissing me off.

I don't know where I was going with this. I didn't like it, I guess is what Ii'm saying.