Actually, I've already been insulted in this thread, so I'd say this is the right place!

Also why are our arguments pseudo and yours aren't?

Because yours don't make sense.

And to respond to your previous points: decoy questions are relevant to a survey because they help to filter out bogus answers and create more reputable research

How does asking a person "what planet are you on?" create more reputable research?

response rate also gives you a realistic view of your data... a good response rate for a survey is approximately 10% and when you're already operating on a small pool of people, 10% is tiny, so reporting that you surveyed X number but received Y responses is critical to understanding the validity of your research

5000 or 500 are both small numbers from a statistical point of view, and I expect that if the difference was even bigger than that, the magazine wouldn't have reported the results in the first place.

the questions are biased because you only get one side of the story (cheaters vs the cheated on).

Yeah, but they got the side of the person who cheated. Are you saying that people are biased against themselves?

This is what I mean when I say pseudo-arguments. Stuff that's meant to sound intelligent but is actually nonsense.