Newspaper editorial boards will almost always go for the more conservative, establishment candidate. Perhaps more importantly, nobody has ever given a shit as to who they endorse. Keep in mind: as far as Republicans go, the New York Times is the New Pravda Times and as far as Democrats go, they're the house of Jayson Blair and Judith Miller.

We're also talking about a New York paper attempting to influence an Iowa caucus, which illustrates the ridiculousness of the whole process, I think. How many people in Des Moines do you think give a shit about the New York Times?

Here's what I think: I phonebanked and canvassed for John Kerry in 2004 and that fucker gave up after about 20 minutes, despite the fact that exit polls had him creaming the shit out of Bush and despite the fact that there were (and are) credible allegations of vote manipulation. And here's what I think: I phonebanked and canvassed for Jay Inslee back when he was a representative but when I said "a living wage" was my number one issue he looked at me like a Venusian. Fuck, maybe I just came from the future.

So I don't really expect anything that I want is going to be represented by my government because I'm 100% positive that's not how government works. But you know what? I've been a big fan of Bernie Sanders since he was one of like three people not to support the Patriot Act. And fuckin' A - I was a big fan of Hillary Clinton back when she tried to create Obamacare.

I legit voted for Clinton twice, not against Bush, not against Dole. And yeah, NAFTA fucked a lot of people and holy shit you can blame the Clintons for Walmart but sweet merciful jesus this is simply what it looks like when ACLU-lovin' dope-smokin' Arkansas liberals have to survive in a conservative maelstrom for 40 years. Adapt or die. I know Elizabeth Warren has a bone to pick with Clinton and she's right but fuckadoodle do you gonna vote for Meg Whitman? Carly Fiorina? Sarah Palin?

Hillary Clinton is what you get when a legit conspiracy spends billions of dollars spreading the slander that had your lawyer killed because he was going to rat on your secret Arkansas airstrips for drug running. Hillary Clinton is what you get when Congress makes your president husband testify under oath because you were swindled in a land deal 20 years previously. We've got a fuckin' Michael Bay movie over whether or not Hillary has proper email etiquette. It's fuckin' batshit. And I'm all about the socialists and god bless Bernie Sanders and I probably agree with him on 90% of his policies but he's been studiously NOT steering the conversation in congress since before we invaded Iraq the first time.

I would love to vote for Bernie Sanders. Shit - I'd love to vote for Hillary Clinton. But at the end of the day, I don't live in Iowa so what I think doesn't mater even in the abstract for another ten months.