I've been frustrated over my university group for the last two days - so much I barely visited the uni (for one lecture which I can't afford to miss - Linguistics, my profile subject). Over the semester-and-some I've been trying to make the dean's office allow us - the three groups in this year's flux in the faculty whose main foreign language is English - to pick our own second foreign languages instead of having a single language assigned to the whole group. Needless to say, not everyone is excited to be learning German next year.

I've been making some waves among the groups, but it never came to fruition because people of Russia are generally apathetic due to the deterministic worldview many of Russians are being indoctrinated into from a young age. An interesting detail I've noticed is that the only two people in the group who, instead of waiting with expectation for the plan to collapse, make some effort are the two people in the group for whom it's not the first university to be attended (and both never finished their first higher education) - whom are me and the head of the group. Either way, dean's promises stay unfulfilled for the time being.

I'll try talking to the dean - she is spoken of as a determined, open-minded person who's established the very faculty in the first place - and if it turns into the students favor, I'll be glad and proud. But god damn it, is it frustrating and diminishing to do good upon people who don't give a shit about it. I've proposed using hashtags in the social network conversation (multiperson instant messaging, if you wish) to enhance the workflow with the many documents and hometasks we're exchanging over the conversation. My proposal has been met with "nobody needs this anyway"... by the only person selfish enough to raise their voice, but not open-minded enough to think about the proposal in the first place (this alone makes me want to smack myself full-speed into a wall) - and the rest simply follow, without saying a word! God damn it.

They tell us from the very young age that "Your class [group, working collective etc.] is your second family". If that's true, I've been a part of very dysfunctional second families, and I'm not sure whether I can influence that. In many team-based games, they say "Shit teams happen". Whether this is true or just an excuse for not trying, I don't know, - but it's disappointing to see others, clearly wrought with the pressure of life (what's with no establishment of personality and personal strength whatsoever in this sick culture that pervades modern Russia), not just not raise their hands in protest against what's not good enough, but argue against the good because going for it will take effort, will take personal responsibility and may incur failure - in a culture where being not good enough is akin to being an outcast...

I'm considering abandoning this idea and going along my studying disregarding the... "the good of the group", or whatever. It's already very easy to knock me off the boat - I don't see why I should stay tight-knit with those upon whom I keep stumbling in trying to do real good.

P.S. Is it bad that the almost-only time I come to Pubski is when I have problems I want to vent away?