Im... okay? It's a pretty seriously mixed bag right now. I am doing a lot for myself, going on walks, eating better, not drinking, going to counseling, talking to old friends. I feel like I'm mentally getting to a better place, which is good.

But physically, I feel worse than I have in a long time. I don't know how much of it is related to the breakup, and how much of it is just the changes in diet and exercise. I have had to call out of work the past two days, which I hate. I would really like to be pre-occupied right now, but that's just not working out.

I also did a dumb thing. I sent a letter explaining my feelings to my (now) ex. Honestly, almost all of it is me wishing her the best in whatever she does, and telling her that I am taking steps to become better myself. But I still feel like such an idiot for sending it, and worse, I feel like I'm becoming a cliche clingy ex. Sigh. I've deleted her contact from my phone, so now I have to cave and ask one of my roommates if I want to talk to her again, which I think will keep me in line.

On the plus side, it's finally getting warm enough out to go biking, so I think I'll bike to the local Audubon today if I feel up to it.

UPDATE: 8:51 PM - BEST CASE SCENARIO HAPPENED.

Well, second best, maybe. I just got an email back from my Ex, who had a lot of really nice things to say. She said that she really appreciated the letter, and is doing well right now. She also earnestly wants to keep me a present part of her life, but still not dating for a while. Which, honestly, I am totally happy with. I am thankful for my alone time right now, I think it is helping me grow a lot, and I don't think I would be ready to get back into a relationship just yet anyway.

Also, I did in fact go for a bike ride / bird walk. 8 mile ride, 4 mile walk, all just a little too cold, but worth it to get outside for once.