I've made a mess of myself today.

Literally. There was an isle of land furthest from the shore that's reachable if one's willing to jump a bit. I was one of willing, but my sneakers have holes in them that I don't care to patch. That a lot of water come through them didn't bother me - it will dry away - but on my way back I stepped into very much wet dirt while trying to cross the small creek back to the big land. I did get over it, but on my way I almost lost of the sneakers to the dirt: it gripped onto the sneaker right as my foot made the motion out, taking it off with ease.

Then, after I've cleaned the dirt-clad sneaker with a small tree's leaves and branches, I took my bike directly into another pile of mud, which almost stopped me in my tracks. Thankfully, momentum rushed me forward quickly enough to escape it, but my wheels have been throwing out dirt and small rocks for a long time afterwards. :)

On the plus side, I got to eat strawberry sitting on a secluded piece of land away from most life on the riverside. Made me wonder just how quiet and peaceful it is to be away from the city even by this much.

I've been thinking about my addictions lately: sugar and masturbation. Both I've acquired at a very young age and to both I rapidly lose interest at the moment. I don't enjoy sweet things like I used to - in fact, I notice just how repelling the piles of sugar in them are. Still, I'm compelled to eat those things from time to time, but as the time goes, I do it less and less.

As for masturbation... It has its whole story.

A couple of weeks ago, when I had my last exam, I've been going through the material with a girl from the Chinese language group (our faculty houses many languages, and many subject we go through together regardless of our main language of study). She's pretty hot and she has a beautiful smile, but she's also utterly rude and uncaring for others' personal space in a way that makes me quite agitated. I haven't had sex for a long time now, so, despite my alarms telling me to stop, I went on and invited her home. I wasn't straight with her, which is something I regret but don't believe that it would've changed things.

She declined, saying that "we could take a walk, though". I wasn't interested. We've been riding the same bus home, and when I quit (not denying myself the opportunity to be the nice guy beforehand), I started thinking on the whole situation.

It took me a few days to realize this, but I wasn't looking for sex. I enjoy it highly and with the right person, I wouldn't hesitate, but she wasn't the right person for me because I wasn't looking for a good body: I was looking for a soul to connect with; I was looking for intimacy through physical contact, which I how I bonded with a good friend I used to have (the first real friend, too). Since that realization, I notice myself paying less and less attention to the naked and to the sexy: not that they don't interest me anymore, but they, in themselves, aren't what I'm looking for, so I might as well not look at them if I don't want to.

Oh, and I've released the Alpha version of my first game a few days ago - a Hubski exclusive, you might say, since nobody else knows yet. Thrilled to have come so far, even if it's only a prototype at this point. For a person who's barely finished anything to any capacity so far, it's great progress. I'm proud of having done that.