The whole reason he did this is because sober him couldn't be vulnerable or show emotions at all. When he would get drunk enough he would be open and cry freely. He would talk about how he felt but if I tried to have the same conversation with him sober it was like I was talking to a different person. It was actually creepy since those moments when he would be open felt like seeing the real him but in the morning it would feel like he was some creepy robot thing.

I've been a less severe of this for most of my life and most of the time don't really feel much of anything. It's kind of dissociative in a way where I realize people come, people go, people live, people die, almost to the point of callousness. Especially towards myself. Story: Recently grabbed a drink with a friend whom I have a bit of history with since moving out here. She explicitly called this out saying "You would be just as happy at home by yourself as you are here with me now". I couldn't tell her she was wrong, because she wasn't. Yaaaaay.