We have a mole at work. When we came back in there was a... "camera" over the door. Several people freaked out. I observed that I had put in about seventeen security cameras in the past 18 months and none of them looked like that. I was told I don't know everything. I observed that the camera was mounted to an I-beam and that in order to connect it to anything the technician would have had to drill through half-inch steel. I was told that there was in fact a cable coming through the other side (!). I observed that it's really fucking hard to talk a security camera into letting its red light blink continuously and was told that I clearly don't know everything about security cameras.

About this time one of my coworkers left the room because he was having a hard time not laughing. I looked up "fake security camera" on Amazon and the thing in the corner was, in fact, the top hit. I sent it to him via text and he sent back "LOL." I asked "how long do you think we can keep this going?" and he said "All season" and I said "sold." He then suggested that we needed to progressively add more cameras - after all, the fake ones were $12 for a pack of four.

I sent him a pic of the four of them when they arrived with "you know we're going to hell, right?" but he was busy working the red carpet at the Globes. Then our leaker tweeted anew and I decided that the time was right to put up another fake camera.

I did not know that the first fake camera was also ours. Also a box of four. A box of four that's sitting out in the open where many of us can see them but the most paranoid, ancient and kermudgeonly among us never venture.

So there are eight fake security cameras in that room right now, two of which have been deployed, one of which has been noticed (I mean, they're the size of coffee cups with large prominent blinking lights and still the Paranoids haven't found the other one). We're debating how many we can get up before the other half of the department figures out they're fake. The problem is they've spun up a conspiracy where they see wires where there are none. They've started talking about bringing in balloons to block the cameras. If we get to, say, four will they completely, abjectly lose their minds and go screaming to the head of the show?

There are currently three schools of thought:

1) The cameras all disappear suddenly one day

2) The rest of them appear in a single day rush when people start to catch on

3) The cameras gain googly eyes when people start to catch on

The truly hilarious thing is that we're about to hit the point where the booth has people in it 24:7. Therefore if more cameras appear, it means that one of us is in league with THEM.