I'm no critic, so here's just my honest opinion from what I just read in your post.

You seem to try too hard. I'm a rap fan so I'll put it in those terms. There are things called punchlines in rap. You have verses and choruses, but then there are the lines that every has memorized, the line that a verse either built up to or that went perfectly with a change in the beat, the one that was so masterfully rhymed or was such a great metaphor that you remember it.

I think most great writers do this too. Words, words, words, punch. words, words, words, words, words, punch. Game of Thrones has chapters boring as shit, they lead up to the punch. Hemingway didn't make everything a metaphor or deep, he did so every little while and to great effect. Read the great speeches by Winston Churchill, Hitler, MLK, Gandhi, even Obama. Those lines with "punch" are used sparingly and very effectively. Churchill went on for like 10 minutes with a speech that would usually put an audience to sleep (but didn't, mostly because it was about the state of the war that just reached their doorstep) before the famous "We will fight them on the beeches..." part.

But reading what you just wrote, it seems like you've made the same mistake I've seen in many other aspiring writers work. Every line and paragraph is over-dramatic. You try to go too deep with everything, you try to make every word pack a punch. You do that and none pack anything, my mind just stops processing what your intended "deepness" was and becomes very aware of you trying to be deep.

"I fear that when I write, I uselessly speak to mute ashes"

What? This would pack some sort of punch if you talked of fire, flame, burning or anything before. Made some sort of leadup to it, some sort of culmination. Instead what you may have thought would be a profound line says absolutely nothing more profound than if you had simply said "I'm afraid I'm wasting my time".

I know I've said a lot based on little more than one thing you wrote, and not even one that was a poem or story, but it says a lot about your writing style