So some of you may remember I started teacher training in September and I thought my first few weeks went well... But then I kinda disappeared from Hubski for a bit. The truth is I found it tough, really tough, after giving several lessons that I felt were awful my depression and anxiety reached a peak and I realised I needed to get out and sort myself out.
In October I got myself signed off work and started to tackle my depression with professional help. One of my problems has always been that when I'm happy I minimise how awful I felt before, thinking that it was "just a case of the Mondays". This is one of the more tenacious aspects of depression, combined with feeling like a burden to others, it makes seeking and accepting help feel insurmountable.
All I can say is I am so, so glad that I took the first step to getting help. From there it has been easier to talk about, everyone has been so supportive and I'm definitely in a better place now. I've still struggled with completing tasks that are causing me anxiety, and that in turn causes more anxiety, but I've just yesterday resolved some of them so now it looks like I will be all set to return to my course in September.
I've gone back and forth for months on whether I wanted to continue or not, I'm still not out of the woods so it's been awful trying to get to a decision but I'm happy with what I've decided and really feel like I'm enjoying life again.