I know I'm really bad with this one. Current object of my affections will have me over late at night to talk about anything/everything (Lately her fears/excitement about her study abroad in 6 days, before that her issues with her boyfriend who she is in the process of breaking up with) but she won't go out anywhere with me. If I look at this objectively I'm an emotional booty-call and being somewhat taken advantage of. But I'm a good kicked puppy, I'll keep coming back /end sobstory Edit!*
Forgot to include my own rules 1. Must read for pleasure. And not just pulp-romance either. I won't begrudge someone their erotica, but it can't be your only reading material, just as porn shouldn't be my only internet use. 2. Must enjoy being outside/the water. Last year I discovered I love kayaking with a passion, and whomever I end up with, for whatever length of time should enjoy it too. 3. Must love dogs. I raise Leader Dog puppies to be trained as seeing eye/therapy dogs. The back seat and trunk of my car are full of dog hair, as is any article of clothing not protected by a garment bag. 4. Cannot be anti-intellectual. There's this weird thing I've been noticing lately where it's suddenly 'cool' to be dumb, or to be actively trying to learn less about the world around you. 5. Music. Doesn't matter if it's an instrument (Although that's a plus) voice, electronic production, or even just an active and curious attitude towards it, must love music. I played violin from ages 3-16, Trombone from 12-18, and guitar from 18-present, as well as musicals in high school and two different choirs in college. 6. Must be socially flexible. I'm equally comfortable discussing stocks over cocktails or raging at an EDM concert, or just sitting for an afternoon in a nice library/bookstore. I don't expect a person to be comfortable with EVERYTHING, but I do appreciate flexibility.7. Don't listen to words. How someone treats you is how they care about you.
I have so many friends that do this. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but if you want something more with the person then that's not going to help. Eventually either something happens, which usually doesn't end well, or both people move on from the situation. Maybe her going on a study abroad will be good for both of you. I have one friend that does stuff kind of like this, the whole talking about everything thing. Now that I'm single we're very open about our sex lives and what we're looking for to each other and all that. The difference is that once she's out here in June we've got some concert tickets and other plans to hang out.If I look at this objectively I'm an emotional booty-call and being somewhat taken advantage of. But I'm a good kicked puppy, I'll keep coming back /end sobstory
Best of luck to you BE, sounds like a pretty awesome summer. It's definitely NOT what I want, but because I feel so strongly about her I'll take what I can get as far as time to be with her. (Massive schedule incompatibility all semester, she's going to be out of the country for a study abroad all summer, with one visit home for 2 days) I guess it's one of those mixed-expectations things, women can be emotionally intimate with their friends and not physically, men can't, and thus equate emotional intimacy with impeding physical intimacy. Or she's actually just really needy and I'm being strung along because she likes to have someone validate her and is afraid I'd go away if I didn't have that thread of maybe. /shrug
Potentially. I'm going to be living in three places over the course of 6 weeks which is going to be crazy. This isn't necessarily true, I know people of both genders that fulfill either role you've outlined above. While this seems to hold true with your friend, I wouldn't live by this rule. People will surprise you if you let them. As for the last part, if all you're doing is agreeing with her and playing the "you can do better" (or similar sayings) card, then that probably works to justify what she's doing from her end. Those situations are so tricky.I guess it's one of those mixed-expectations things, women can be emotionally intimate with their friends and not physically, men can't, and thus equate emotional intimacy with impeding physical intimacy.
Nah, it's been more along the lines of 'What happened? And why? What does it mean for your next relationship?' The past few times we've had essentially the same conversation, just worded a bit differently. I don't know if she's just lonely (Never a social person to begin with, only really leaves her apartment for school/work/her horse, Since things got rocky with soon-to-be-ex bf, that has become even more solid) or what.As for the last part, if all you're doing is agreeing with her and playing the "you can do better" (or similar sayings) card
Lil said that most every rule a person has has a story behind it. You gotta learn your own lessons. Dating's like a hot stove; mom and dad can warn you about it all they want but you're not going to realize just what "hot" is til you reach out and touch it. AKA all the warnings in the world are nothing against the pain of real experience.
I guess I can't blame you for picking the devil you know, but you know. It's kind of fun to go for the devil you don't. Besides, don't let people treat you like crap. That includes you. See, isn't this fun? My original post was twice as long but I edited all the stories out.
Still working on that bit. My therapist and I have diverged a bit from our original discussions, because we came up with some good coping skills for bigger problems. (Existential risk, total political immorality, Neo-Luddism) But he's directed me to some interesting reading that indicates that a person can't have a healthy relationship without first loving themselves, and I don't think I ever had that to begin with. When I started working out I used self-loathing as my motivation (Still do somewhat, work in progress) but that doesn't work well, or for long.That includes you.