I think part of the issue is that I am not particularly interested in having a crush in the moment and slightly terrified of dating. I am more interested in killing the crush. (Not literally.) In addition, if we were to date, we'd become the subject of much gossip. And if we were to break up, it would ruin the bar for me. But I do appreciate the sentiment of encouragement. My current plan is to discuss controversial topics/important topics with him and see if our views differ horrendously on any in such a way that will make him less attractive in my eyes. So feminism is going up on the list. Which at minimum will be a fun conversation either way, you know, right?
To be fair, sometimes my opinions on feminism run controversial (but on the more liberal side of the spectrum, as opposed to more conservative). But I've had problems with finding out people were, well, kind of anti-feminist, weeks into dating them. I am trying to think what else I can discuss: gun rights (but I'm pretty sure he and I will agree on them based on passing remarks); abortion (no idea). We've briefly discussed religion/spiritualism before and he falls on the more esoteric side of the spectrum but I could bring it up again. I already know where he falls on drug use. So come on guys, what else can I come up with? It's true that the down side of this approach is he may end up being perfect and I'll fall in love with him...but I doubt it :)
So, feminism I can see as a dealbreaker, because that's a human rights and equality issue. I don't think anyone need be educated on the particulars of various aspects of academic feminist theory to appreciate the fact that we should all be equals in society. As for the other "issues", who gives a shit? They're hot button political controversies that shouldn't get in the way of getting along with someone. Some of my best friends are conservatives. It's good to be close with people who don't agree with you, because, provided they're intelligent and engaged, you can have really good conversations with them. Anyway, that's beside the point. One's humanity doesn't begin or end with how they feel about the reigning distraction of the day. Edit: My point is that you shouldn't deny yourself potential happiness based on arbitrary positions about arbitrary issues. I'm rooting for you; not telling you you're wrong, if that isn't clear.
well HELP ME OUT WITH THAT edit: Also, stance on abortion is a personal dealbreaker for me, although it also happens to be a hot button political topic, due to my own experiences. So, yes, it qualifies, but I would not be able to date someone who did not believe abortion was not/should not be an option (for women everywhere).
Fair enough. I remember reading a thing you wrote about abortion a long time ago, and I can see why you feel that way. I mainly meant that the news, our peers, politicians, etc, all make us think that what's important is that we take a stand, have an opinion, that our value to society is less if we don't make a choice on the things they tell us we should be making choices about. What if I happen to not give a fuck about guns? Then what? Should those who are passionate about guns rights or gun control think less of me as a person? Can I not still pick you up from the airport, listen to you when you're having trouble, and have a good laugh with you, because I don't think this or that issue affects my life to the point that I have to make a choice about it? That's my point. Whether we care about each other matters so much more to me than whether we care about issues. If you find someone who cares about you and treats you like you feel you deserve to be treated, then forget the political stuff.