THOUGHTS HAD:

I wasn't very conscious of my skin (color) until I was a Junior in High School. I don't know what the exact switch that flipped on was, but you suddenly become aware of these things. How I was one out of seven Black kids that finished the IB program.

I think it started when I was going door to door selling cookies for our Cancer Fundraiser with a couple of friends. One friend and I got separated from the rest of the group, and a cop car pulled up next to us. The officer asked my friend for his name. He gave it. Cop turned to me next.

"What's your name?"

8bit.

"Where are you from?"

I live in the apartment complex a few blocks away.

"No, I mean where are you really from?"

...Aurora?

"No, I mean where are you really from."

Oh. Sudan, I guess. Kinda.

"And you go to [Highschool]?"

Yeah.

"So if I talked to the officer that's on duty there, she would know you?"

No, sir, I don't think she would. I'm not much of a troublemaker.

"I see. Well, we got a call that someone was scared you guys were casing houses, but that doesn't seem to be case."

What's "casing"?

"...Don't worry about it." And then he drove off.

It didn't really resonate with me what had just happened until I told my family what had happened, and they voiced what I hadn't realized. I just didn't really consider the cop asking me these questions because he was a racist fuck as being a possibility.

That, and Senior year, when I got a few instances of, "but you're not Black, 8bit!"

That's when I realized that people were passing judgements about who I should be because of my voice and attitude and skin. Which is funny, because, like, nobody told me that shit was gonna happen! I did not get the memo. You like computers and you're a White dude, you like Hip-Hop and you're a Black dude. Bonus points if you're louder than most people - the "Will Smith" archetype, as I like to call it.

But what happens if you like building a PC while bumpin Flatbush Zombies in the speakers behind you? I think that means you're a person, who has multiple hobbies that aren't tied to a particular racial characteristic. But, you know - memo missed.

It is weird to be told that you're too Black to be White, but too White to be Black. It is weird when a girl tells you that their father would not pay for a wedding if she married a Black guy. It is also weird when a girl slithers up to you and tells you she's never been with a Black guy before. I'm either demonized, or a fucking Xbox Achievement.

It's weird when the girl in your University that has 643 African Americans out of 29,772 students says that she wanted to be a teacher, until she interned at an inner city school in Chicago. It "wasn't what she was expecting."

It's weird to see a girl - presumably an educated person, as she is in a university - say the words "racism isn't a thing anymore, we have a Black President" in that fucking order and not laugh at herself.

It's especially weird to be asked if you got into your school on Affirmative Action. I suppose it's possible, considering I'm a part of 2.3% of my school, but shit, man, that IB diploma has to mean something, right? (It doesn't, I don't even know where it is right now.)

And all of this is even weirder when I'm told I "make everything about race." Well you fuckers started it first! I'm just carrying your shitty, gentrified torch until it burns out. Please burn out quickly.

Am I comfortable in my own skin? Yes, absolutely. For all the bitching I do, I would not trade the experiences I've had for anything. I would not be as thoughtful and introspective and critical as I am if they didn't happen. Are others comfortable with my skin?

Huh. What a question.