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As much as he's easy to mock for being impenetrable, Derrida has a good theory for why what you're seeing happens. Because when you're comparing opposites it's hard to do it from a neutral position; you're not really asking how men and women are different, you're asking how women are different from men or how men are different from women. Because you start with one as your model, you see the other as lacking whatever traits aren't shared, and so being deficient. In light of which, while it may or may not be true, "there are no essential differences" is the only position that isn't perilous.