I haven't had sex. It's not been a concious decision or anything, it just never happened. I had a few changes in my teens but I suffered from being chronically slow acting. The relationships I had also ended badly before things got that far. Maybe those last two sentences are linked.

After those experiences I kind of gave up on it for a while. By the time I got to uni I was just interested in getting high, making music, and hanging out with my friends. Then I had a massive panic attack and the ensuing 12 months or so of crippiling anxiety closed me off socially and made me a lot more reserved.

Now I'm out the other side of all that and I am starting to really think about it again. Though to be honest, it is emotional connection I seek more than sexual gratification. However, due to the way things unfolded I have a lack of serious relationship experience. I think I'm too idealistic and suffer from having too high expectations of how a potential partner should be. I also have trust issues. Those last two sentences are probably linked too.

Also, yes, I do subvocalise.