I haven't had sex. It's not been a concious decision or anything, it just never happened. I had a few changes in my teens but I suffered from being chronically slow acting. The relationships I had also ended badly before things got that far. Maybe those last two sentences are linked. After those experiences I kind of gave up on it for a while. By the time I got to uni I was just interested in getting high, making music, and hanging out with my friends. Then I had a massive panic attack and the ensuing 12 months or so of crippiling anxiety closed me off socially and made me a lot more reserved. Now I'm out the other side of all that and I am starting to really think about it again. Though to be honest, it is emotional connection I seek more than sexual gratification. However, due to the way things unfolded I have a lack of serious relationship experience. I think I'm too idealistic and suffer from having too high expectations of how a potential partner should be. I also have trust issues. Those last two sentences are probably linked too. Also, yes, I do subvocalise.
Though to be honest, it is emotional connection I seek more than sexual gratification
The truth is, this is what most people are actually seeking. The other night I had a short dialogue with someone in the Hubski movie IRC and they mentioned they were looking to "bag a chick." -But upon further inspection, what they really want is a partner. We all have needs and sex is one of them, but I think it's the stuff that surrounds sex that most often we are really craving.
Mark Manson explains why sex is not a need (in short, it's a drive to have other needs met, but do read forth as it also explains what TNG has touched on his last sentence). I've figured the subject out only recently, after years of masturbation. I was lying in my bed, getting ready for the thing (since I was masturbating very often by the moment - once a day or two - it would take me a while to get into the mood again), I realized that what turns me on more in the fantasies was not the sex itself nor so much sexual pleasures (softcore BDSM, squirting, so on), but the intimacy, the emotional connection between me and the other person. No wonder I've only been fantasizing lucidly about having sex with the only person I've ever connected to, and even then it wasn't purely moving my dick in her vagina back and forth.We all have needs and sex is one of them
FFS I had 4 paragraphs typed out until my cat walked on my keyboard and somehow deleted it. So here is a half assed second attempt. “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good”. - Woody Allen I hear you. I was brought up in a very Catholic family and taught that sex was sacred and all that. I was lucky enough to be "in love" twice through high school and first year uni so got my start that way but then essentially stopped trying until I got to grad school. Then I subscribed to the above theory and became a total ethical slut. Please remember that when it does happen it will probably be awkward, unsatisfying and you will not be any good at it but that is completely normal. You usually can't be good at anything without practice. So try not to let that natural fact negatively impact your thoughts on the situation. And coffeesp00ns also has a great point in that it may be that you are just not interested.
Yeah, I've accepted that the first time is has high likelihood of not being great. I'd be lying if I said my inexperience doesn't translate to a lack of confidence in myself sometimes, but I'm not ashamed of it or anything. It doesn't help that I'm now living back with my parents in a sleepy little market town with virtually nothing going on. I'm currently working on my escape routes.
Interesting. I guess if I could relate to any of the statements made on that page it would be: Though at this point I'm not sure whether it's a biological thing or more to do with my confidence in putting myself out there (I've certainly got used to being alone.) I definitely do experience sexual drive/attraction. More often to those I've made an emotional connection with, but that's not a steadfast rule. Either way, something to ponder on. Thanks for sharing.experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them