Dear Ben,

You know how they say that you only find good relationships when you are "not looking" for them, and that you have to improve yourself and focus on yourself in order to become someone who will be an ideal partner?

While articles about dating and relationships do definitely interest me, and so I generally tend to read them if I see them...

Dude, you post a lot of them. (Disclaimer: Looking at your post history, that isn't necessarily true - or false. It's not overwhelming but I do think there's a preponderance.)

A casual observation from your friend,

_refugee_

_____

Edited to Add: I have found in the dating world you end up dating people who are "chill" and want you to be "chill" when you are naive and inexperienced enough to either not know what you want, or not know what it looks like when you get it.

If you know you want a committed relationship with someone who is passionate about you, it's gonna take maybe 2 dates before you can smell the chill from a mile off. Personal experience here.

The thing is people are either afraid to admit what they want and no shame about it, or inexperienced and hang out on a hook waiting for "chill" to turn into "interested."

Interest is evident from Day 1. If you don't end Date 1 by going home, still texting each other until you finally go to bed; if you have one text conversation after Date 1 setting up Date 2 and that's it - well, the first person's interested, and the second's not or not sure. And "not sure" means "not interested [enough]" so move on. Find someone who doesn't need to figure out if they want you. Find someone who knows they do.