It's simpler than that.

there are the lies we tell ourselves, and there are the lies we tell other people. A relationship with two people in it has self-lies^2 and other-lies^2. That's complicated enough. A relationship with three people in it has self-lies^3 and other-lies^3. A relationship with n people in it has self-lies^n and other-lies^n.

From a systems perspective, the higher order the equations the less stable the equilibrium. A high-order unstable equation will fall out of equilibrium faster than a low-order unstable equation. Consequently, over time there are fewer high-order equations because the higher order, the steeper the asymptote.

The way these systems work is if the lies are all aligned. If my self-lies are the same as your other-lies, we have a coefficient. If your self-lies are the same as my other-lies, we have another coefficient. Ax plus By = R. But the more people involved, the more cult-like it has to become or else you end up with ABx^3 minus 3ABx^2 plus 6ABX minus 9BCy^3.... = R.

It has been my experience that those in polyamorous relationships pride themselves on their individuality, on their non-conformity, and on their self-narrative. In other words, the people you run into with this shit are the ones with the most flamboyant self-lies. It has also been my experience that those in polyamorous relationships pride themselves on their openness, on their eclecticism, and on their extroversion. In other words, the people you run into with this shit are the ones with the most flamboyant other-lies.

Sure. Put that shit in writing. It'll absolutely enforce itself and solve all problems. And yeah. Call "fucking around" a social movement, a polycule, whatever the fuck you want. Semantics is truth. For sure, nobody has ever done this shit before, this time is different, The Olds just don't know how to set proper boundaries.

Look.

The biological evidence of human relationships is evidence of infidelity. The human penis is shaped to extract the semen of rivals from the vaginal cavity. Human males are attracted to the signifiers of youth, human females are attracted to the signifiers of power. The post-coital physiological response of males is to fall asleep; the post-coital physiological response of females is to be awake. The archetype of human relationships is a pride of lions with one titular male head with a lot of wives surrounded by young rival males who fuck behind his back. There are several species of primates whose principal method of procreation is rape.

There have been social structures that are much closer to this style of polyamory. The Ottomans spring immediately to mind, as do the Mormons. But there's a big prohibition in there - only one person is allowed to fuck around.

The social glue necessary to make this shit work is basically taboo to discuss, which means everyone comes into it with their own preconceptions. everyone can work together to make their glue stick? But that just means that when it comes apart it will release more energy - you do not want to see what a 20-year polyamorous relationship looks like when it ends. So I recognize it makes me an oppressor thoughtcrime boomer privileged incel or some shit to say this but I don't fucking care.

I've never seen anyone helped by a polyamorous relationship. Not short term, not long term. I've seen dozens hurt.

Because we all tell each other different lies, and the more of us there are, the faster they catch up.