My Media Studies/English teacher from a year or so back is a good friend of mine now. He wrote this, an article about careers and guidance and the like - it's long, but well worth a read.

He recently went around to the people from his graduating class in high school and asked what they were doing, what they had done. The variation was fascinating - some kids who were doing fantastically in school found themselves falling apart at university (I'm finding this myself). Some of them did fine, but all of a sudden found themselves not getting the grades they needed for the course they (or their parents) wanted them to take. One dude dropped out of high school early and is now one of the top lawyers for the Crown here. The most memorable story, I think, was a friend of his who never did anything for more than a year - fifteen years in a row. He kept taking new opportunities, crashed on couches, hitchhiked around, and is now, after a whole string of experiences, is back in this city determined to do something just as unlikely as he's ever done (something like start up a production company). He's happy. He has enough money to live off. Sure, he may not contribute to society, but he's content, and to me that seems like enough.

I'm the same age as you. I get the feeling we've had similar lives - I was placed in advanced classes every year, got a couple of scholarships upon leaving high school last year, and on the spur of the moment decided to go for a Bachelor of Fine Arts (alongside another Arts degree). I never studied in high school. I haven't studied so far this year in uni. I'm doing okay - but just okay. Barely passed a Classical studies paper last semester - purely by luck and managing to bullshit an essay in the exam. I had a deadline for Fine Arts yesterday, the work for which I mostly did the day before, and I have another tomorrow - the work for which I doubt I'll even finish. I've dealt with multiple bouts of depression over the years, it neer really going away, but rather letting up. I've seen doctors and therapists, none of them really helping. I often have days where I can't drag myself out of bed. If it weren't for deadlines, I wouldn't even write any more - the book I'm currently working on is about five thousand words long after eight months of work. I need a B average to keep my conjoint degree, something that isn't likely. I'm struggling with the work and focussing, but I'm enjoying it, and that's something I've always valued. I'm not at university to get a degree. I'm not here to one day contribute to society. I'm here to learn, because I've always loved doing it.

Basically, I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm not really contributing in that much of a meaningful way - I'm on the benefit, have already racked up about $3k in student debt after 2 semesters. I don't work, aside from some volunteer stuff at a radio station and a magazine. The degrees I'm working toward don't hold the promise of much work. So I avoid the question of what I'm going to do in the future, how I'm going to contribute. It may seem self-centred, but I think about myself and whether I'm enjoying what I'm doing, whether I could be doing something better. I'm eighteen. We're eighteen. We can do that. For now, we have that liberty. I intend to make the most of it while I can.