so, in reply to both of your comments:

i'm an athiest and not a spiritual person, so i don't think of tripping as spiritual, though i understand that's a common framework in which to approach the experience. it was always clearly a drug-based experience to me, not spiritual in any way. i see psychedelics as chemical tools to create cathartic/epiphanic mental situations that enable me to resolve certain kinds of problems. psilocin in particular has been the most useful one in the toolbox.

for me, the core of the experience is the disruption of self that comes at peak, the dismantling of concepts as i approach the peak, and the clarity afterwards. everything outside of that is just flavoring. maybe someone who enjoys these things more recreationally would disagree.

no trip is "bad", it's either more or less intense, and you can appreciate it or not. it will be colored by your thoughts and emotional state. you will dismantle yourself. the things that weigh on your mind most heavily will be the focus of attention. you can either find value in examining your contradictions, or hate the revelation of your hypocrisy. but there's always something to learn, and the most stressful trips have the most important lessons to teach.

this might just be my weird perspective. i'm pretty masochistic, overanalytical, have tendency toward detachment and dissociation, and i'm capable of looking back on some straight hellish experiences with an eye for the benefits. maybe most people can't do that.

actions inspired wholly or in part by my trips: seeking help for medical problems i'd been ignoring, coming out to my family, ending a relationship that had gone on too long, entering the most important relationship of my life, ending my drug addiction, and some more important things that i won't write here.

ending my drug addiction required abstinence from all drugs, including psychedelics, so i've sort of moved past all this. it was a useful tool for a while but eventually i reached a point where i had to leave it behind.