How does your psychiatrist feel about you using psilocybin? I would imagine he/she/they must be pretty leery since they can't delineate everything about it as they can with anti-psychotics.

It's kind of a subject we don't really talk about. I make sure he's aware of it, but he doesn't really say anything about it.

What is 95% to you? A rare persecutory delusion that passes by as a single thought?

95% to me is about 3 panic attacks a week which can cause some strange thoughts and I need isolation, I take a clonazepam, and in 30 minutes I'm normal again.

Do you always keep hold of insight throughout episodes? Do you still believe your delusions were 100% true in retrospect, despite the rational part of you knowing that they are delusions?

I'm to the point that I no longer believe any of my delusions were true. During episodes, I will bounce back and forth between believing them and not believing them. Once it's over, I'm fine.

Why don't you like talking about this stuff under your actual account? The stigma?

I am doing remarkably well at hiding my insanity from friends and coworkers. In fact, only my immediate family knows anything is wrong. My extended family which I talk to regularly has no idea as well. Some of those people (specifically friends) are on Hubski. I don't want them to know because when I initially told my immediate family and them going through all the craziness, shit got serious for them. They feared I would be permanently hospitalized, would commit suicide, etc. I don't need nor want people thinking things like that when it's pretty obvious that's never going to happen. When Robin Williams died I mentioned (stupidly) to my mom that he had bipolar. I think that freaked her out, again fearing I might commit suicide like him knowing I have similar issues. I want to make it clear to anyone who does discover this account, that's just plain not going to happen. It's impossible, I wouldn't be able to do it nor would I ever want to. I've already experienced the worst of my illness and I didn't do it then.

So, it's more to protect friends from freaking out and also to prevent them from trying to protect me from myself or something when it's unnecessary.

I kind of dislike asking this question... but... there was a post here a while back (which I cannot find) which said, essentially, that the NSA was harming the mentally ill with programs that live up to their fears. Did Snowden's confirmation of what many paranoid delusionals fear affect you at all? Aside from possibly bringing you more work :)

I did a search because I remember reading that as well, this one?

It has affected me minorly, but not extremely. It more affected how I address data security at my job more than anything else. My mental health community has a no politics rule (it frequently agitates people who are mentally ill), so I have no idea about them since they are not allowed to talk about it.

My delusions never involved the government, so as he said that "aliens and government" conspiracies if one is confirmed, the other is brought back. Without the government conspiracy theories ever being a part of my illness I guess I was never affected in that way. During my illness I thought the government was incompetent. I can imagine it being true, however. If someone confirmed half of what I took years proving wrong to be correct, I have a feeling I might relapse.