I suck at new languages... how do I get past that while still existing in the English internet world the majority of my day behind my computer?
Let me be clear that I don't yet have enough expertise to give you detailed advice on language learning in particular. That said, there are strategies for learning in general that apply to learning a new language. One big tip I heard I can't tell you how many times is to vary where and when you study day to day. It turns out that people tend to do better on tests when the testing environment is similar to the learning environment. So, by varying your learning environment, you can keep what you learn from being so dependent on the context of where you learn it. Another thing you can do is try to speak, read, or write in your target language a little bit every day. Repetition is honestly one of the best ways for you to learn anything. To that end, as TheVenerableCain said, duolingo might be a decent place to start. I wouldn't suggest trying to use it to learn a whole language, but it can be a good starting place. Also, it's great if you've learned a language before and want to brush up on the basics.
That is fascinating, thanks for the link. It coincides eerily with my experience: I moved to France in March this year, with no French whatsoever. I was also taking a new mood-stabilizer (part of the reason I moved was that I had a bit of a life crisis - end of long relationship, career change etc. etc.).
When I got here, I realized I was picking up the language really fast (I've learnt other languages, so I have something to compare it to), and that my brain felt... the only way I can describe it is childlike. Anyway, it's one anecdote, but it's interesting that a mood-stabilizer might affect how the brain does other things, too. Thanks again for the link.
I definitely can't recommend any drugs for you. For starters, I'm not exactly up on all the drugs there are out there. Besides that, I don't have the qualifications to prescribe/recommend drugs.
Give duolingo a try. I haven't personally done anything with it, but from what I've read, it's a decent starting point. Plus, it's free. Good luck!