Thanks for the entry! Glad to have you and you're off to a great beginning. It's an interesting start and you seem to have a good setup for the upcoming middle. I would say two things 1) I want to know the characters better and 2) I want to feel like I'm in the place more. Fran has a bit of description about her, but I have no image of the narrator. I don't have an image of the house either. Take a little time throughout the story to fill in the world and the people a bit. On the topic of people, also give me some emotion. I know there's some kind of feeling between these two people, you painted a great little interaction between them, but I want to know at least how the narrator feels about it. Get in there and share some depth. That's it for this one and thanks again for submitting.
Thanks for the feed, I'll follow up in the next one, where I think I'll develop my characters a bit more.