I am from an adoptive family. About a year ago I was contacted by a girl who is theoretically my niece looking to get in touch with my sister (university fling kid), and my sister has absolutely no desire to do that. I am pretty conflicted about that and we have kept in touch but never met in person.
Now today I just found out that my brother sought out and contacted his biological mother and traveled internationally to meet her. My Mother is understandably upset as it was done in secret and she only found out when he posted a picture of them on FB and I don't quite understand it either.
Any insight?
Not an adopted child, but a fatherless one.
Like nobodycares, I wrote to my biological father (as a child) and got no response. I imagined him often, though, always as some sort of powerful figure who might swoop in at any moment and save me from my dreary childhood. He didn't.
When I was 25, I googled him and found a work number and called in the middle of office hours.
He took my call. We arranged to meet up. I was really nervous beforehand - I bought new clothes for the occasion, and had my hair cut the morning before.
I waited at our appointed meeting place. There were lots of people milling about. I saw a middle-aged, nondescript sort-of man who seemed a bit nervous, and decided it couldn't be him.
I waited a while longer. He was the only person still waiting and looking. I went up to him and asked "are you [edricarica's biological father]?"
He looked astonished and then pleased and then tears welled up in his eyes and, because we're British and emotion isn't something we do, I quickly suggested we go on a walk along the nearby canal:
As soon as we met up, my curiosity was satiated. I no longer saw him as some impossibly-distant and powerful figure, but as an ordinary man.
He, on the other hand, was smitten. I had (and still do, it's one of the reasons I don't see all that much of him) the feeling of being on a date with someone punching above his weight?!? (it is really strange to write that, it's not something I've put words to before)...
So, yeah. Weird. We write every few weeks and see each other when we're in the same country. He's a good person. But he's not my parent, you know?
Wow. That is amazing. Thank you for writing that response. I appreciate it.
About five years ago I wrote a letter to my biological parents, (separately) neither of them responded.
How did you find them and why did you want to contact them? How did it feel not to get a response? I would probably feel bad. I am sorry if that was the case. I really wish my sister would want to contact my niece but I guess that is her choice. She seems like a great girl.
Sorry to respond so late, I don't often check replied comments. I felt completely unwanted. But my grandmother who took care of me for many years made me feel otherwise. THAT made me feel like I don't need them. Why would I want to meet them? They don't know how to be parents. Good ones at least. I haven't seen them for 16 years and I don't need to see them now.
Not personal experience, but I came across a Korean-American transracial blogger who completely turned what I thought I knew about international adoption on it's head. She's not very active online now, being a new mother. But her posts on the topic are here: http://peaceshannon.tumblr.com/tagged/adoption/ The TL;DR of it is that often adoption agencies falsify records, and (single) birth mothers in Asia often give up their children for adoption because of lack of safety nets, finances, and to 'save face'. I think a lot of people in the West have this sort of fantasy about adopting from overseas as a sort of philanthropic gesture, but very often it can amount to being glorified human trafficking. The problem is really bad in China right now: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/12/missing-kidnapped-trafficked-china-children . I've seen some projections that tens of thousands of children are trafficked every year. So if anyone here knows any transracial adoptees or people considering adoption I encourage you to spread this information.
I guess I will also share this even though it is slightly off topic. When my dad died I was in charge of the finances. I noticed that he was sending about 24 thousand a year to my Grandmother who, to put it lightly, did not need it. So I called her and asked about it. That is when I found out that I have a Japanese sister. My Dad was stationed in Japan when in the Army and knocked some local girl up. When he was dating my Mom. He left at the end of the deployment and never went back. But sent money every year and my Grandma sent 100 grand when he died. She was essentially laundering money to protect my Mom. Ugh
Thank you very much for that info. My sister was born in Hong Kong and she visited her orphanage. She asked what kind of information they had and apparently they had none. Not surprising they did not since she was apparently almost without language when she arrived in the States at the age of three. My parents did not do it out of any humanitarian instinct. They could not have kids and a priest knew that and knew of a girl that needed a home. That was also 50 years ago when international adoption wasn't trendy. They are international adoption hipsters apparently.