Yo: Show me where it's derogatory towards the mentally ill. Then tell me why I should continue to engage with you if you're going to derail any conversation with your impressions of "ableist language."By using ableist language like "loose nut", all you're doing is scapegoating the mentally ill and contributing to the stigma of mental illness.
Yes, I know what an innuendo is, and yes, I understand your point of view. I'm just not going to humor it, nor am I going to validate it. For the sake of "making the world a better place" I'm going to tell you why we aren't going to talk anymore in the hope that you'll understand how needlessly combative you're making your world and, perhaps, take steps to remediate the situation. And by "remediate the situation" I mean chill the fuck out. Do you remember how, not 24 hours ago, we were discussing neural networks? And how we'll never do that again? That's because you felt entitled to censor my speech for the entire world. You don't know me and I don't know you, but you took it upon yourself to scold me into a speech pattern well outside the norm of conversant society. Your background in this is irrelevant - we'll get to it in a minute because you seem incapable of discussing it calmly. The simple fact is that you felt entitled to shape my behavior through shaming, despite the fact that my behavior is in no way deviant or offensive. My wife can do that. My kid can do that. My close friends can do that. You and me? You haven't begun to earn the right to ask favors of me. And asking me not to use the word "nut" is akin to you asking me not to use the word "blue." When I pushed back, you doubled down - sarcasm, condescension, hyperbole, straw men - rather than acknowledging that perhaps you should have tried another tactic besides shaming and antagonism. So we're no longer cordial. Any leverage you could have gained via goodwill is gone. In effect, you made a scene, I asked why you were making a scene, and you chose to justify yourself by making an even bigger scene. An innocent bystander asked why you were making a scene and you dragged him into it. So now instead of shaping our behavior, you've dismissed yourself from casual conversation with two different people. 'cuz I doubt brian's going to be eager to engage you in discussion beyond this point, either. Now about your illness - sorry to hear about it. But you know what? Your attitude towards it is completely, inexcusably abnormal. Your only card in this is the victim card, apparently, which you are playing at every deal. So kindly allow me to trump it: - Girlfriend's aunt had schizophrenia. When she described periods of deep insanity, she used the phrase "I was pretty crazy that day." When describing the behavior of sane people she found unexpected, she described them as "a little nutty." - Girlfriend's uncle had schizophrenia. He regularly introduces himself as "I'm crazy." - Sister's father-in-law has schizophrenia. He has said to me on a couple occasions, "take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm kind of crazy." So that's three people, in my direct experience, who have absolutely no problems referring to themselves as "crazy". "Nuts" to at least one of them was a term used to describe eccentric behavior, not insanity... and this is from a woman who drowned her parakeet because it was slandering her to her boyfriend. But wait! There's more! - My cousin refers to her catatonic fugue as her "crazy period." When describing (logical) behavior she dislikes, she calls it "nuts." - My mother will say "I was a little bonkers back then" about the times she was (involuntarily) committed to insane asylums. - My sister, when asked about her breakdown, says "yeah, I went a little nuts." That's six people in my direct experience who have no problems with terminology - in direct discussion of mental illness. I'd bring up the ones I've met who do have problems except I don't know any. People who will change the subject in order to scold me about a perfectly innocuous phrase? Well, you're the first. LISTEN CLOSELY. You say depression kills 1 in 5 people affected by it. In my family it's 2 out of 4. So take a step back and reconsider whether or not you're entitled to to deny my language to me because honestly? It sounds like maybe I'm just dealing with things better than you. Instead of scolding me, perhaps you should take notes 'cuz it wouldn't occur to me to shut down a conversation just so I could bring up my own lengthy suffering with mental illness.
I'm not interested in the content of an argument over the language that upset empty. However, "My best friends are X" is never some trump card against "I am X". I understand that you feel empty hasn't earned the right to ask you to change your language to make them more comfortable. But this template of "my friends / family from Oppressed Group agree with me!" is generally one to be avoided. Have you ever read an extremely misogynistic screed written by a person who insists that they get along fine with women, because their mother was one? Ever talked to someone who insists nobody reasonable could be offended by trivializing the Holocaust because their Jewish boyfriend is kind of into Nazi/prisoner roleplay? (I have encountered both scenarios.) That is how your "trump" reads to me. Mental illness in your family is a very personal connection, but it's not the most personal connection.
Did anyone ask you? Do you know me? Did you notice that the subject of discussion was "things that hurt other people's feelings? " No? Well let me just point that out then. Then allow me to say that I spent pretty much the '90s clinically depressed so even the argument you want to make is invalid. And then go away.
The phrase only has meaning because it's an innuendo. I think you know more than one meaning for the word "nut". When you use that phrase, the implication is "The problem was caused by human error, and the human in question is mentally ill (a nut).". And maybe you don't think that, but you don't think there's plenty of people who DO make that inference? It's the same thing as the ID-10-T error. It wouldn't have the sense of "human error due to mental illness" it didn't have a double-meaning, just like ID-10-T has the double meaning of "idiot". This is a pretty basic facet of natural language that middle school children understand. I've been at jobs where people have used the exact phrase that you used so that they could insult me to my face about my mental health. When I call them out on it, they hide behind the same sort of explanation you're giving now. Of course, I am not accusing you of doing that, because you weren't. But what you are doing is making the phrase socially acceptable, and thus giving assholes a cover to use those phrases with plausible deniability. It's kind of the same thing (although not as severe) as the people who think it's a good idea to still have Confederate flags flying around. I don't expect to change your mind on this issue in this conversation, but I hope you'll at least try to understand my point of view.