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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3389 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Boyfriend Trouble...Do I have a lying problem?

    However, he feels the trust is really broken.

That got me. If he doesn't trust you that much - or, at all - and still uses your affection to push the relationship further, he's a manipulating piece of shit who doesn't deserve any of your time. You might be used to lying, but telling it to the person you love isn't supposed to cause such a mess. Sure, they might lash out at you for being dishonest, but those who have best intentions at heart will always apologize and do their best to fix it back together - not by trying to push your buttons ("But I love you, you know that, right?" or "I'm just doing what's best for you, why don't you see it?"), but by doing something to actually repair the situation. They'd want to talk through it, find ways of doing better together or helping you overcome it - anything that will move things forward instead of keeping them the same way.

What your boyfriend does isn't healthy: he uses you as a living doll to dominate you and raise his self-esteem through it. It doesn't matter what led him to this: it's damaging to both of you (him - further, you - starting to), and no one should endure such a relationship. The way I see it, your best way is to get away from such a person, slowly if you have to, right now if you can. You've invested into this relationship more than you should have already - don't let your boyfriend pull more strings to make you stay.

He will try to persuade you, scare you or - I hope not, but I don't know the guy - beat you into submission. Don't let him. He doesn't deserve: just look at how much he has already taken from you. Call your father or someone else you know who can stand up for you physically (if you can't) and do the talk with that person present. Your boyfriend won't like it. He isn't supposed to: it's about you, not him. Tell him everything you think about your relationship and quit right there. It will be tough to say those words, given how much you've put into this ordeal already, but trust me: living alone is better than living with someone who regularly abuses you. He might lie about what happened, twist the truth to present you in a light worse than it was at the time. Don't give in and tell the person you take with you (if you do) about it beforehand so they, too, would be ready.

Right now, you're thinking in the mindframe of pleasing him because he manipulated you well enough for you to accept that. Do you really want to live a life where you only do things because you're too scared to enrage somebody you love? I doubt you do: like all people, you want a happy, trustful, confident relationship with a person who feels the same. You're doing a good thing by talking about it with those who have no connections to the guy, as well as believing that it isn't healthy, because it isn't. He's angry at you because he's terrified, scared shitless of losing a person who's been giving him love despite him being a raging asshole that he is, and he doesn't have an idea about what it's like to be in an equal relationship; or, maybe he doesn't even give a shit about being in one because it gives him kicks to abuse another person.

Either way, you can't fix it, because you can't fix him - but you can fix yourself. Do what's best for you and quit, and live a good life forever after. Let this be a very painful learning experience about the value of trust and the horrors of abuse so that, one day, maybe you'll help someone whom you used to be.