Today, I'm asking a girl out. She's the same year and faculty as me, but a different group; we meet through lectures, and today's History, but we don't know each other. Last time - and the first time - I asked out a person I didn't know otherwise was two years ago (or more, I lost track of the meantime), under similar circumstances, so I'm nervous. This time, I'm attracted because she appears to be a good companion and a good student. She looks good, too, so hell yeah. For the last few days, I've been reading Mark Manson's articles on vulnerability, dating, love life and the like, and it gave me quite an amount of courage (in case you stumble upon this, - thank you very much, Mark). Today is the deadline: if I don't ask her out (unless circumstances beyond my control arise - like, her being sick and not coming to the university today), I won't try again and will live with that. I'll be honest with her and speak my mind (which is something I have deep problems with usually). Whatever happens after I invite her out, so be it: at least I'd know I tried, at least I'd know I can.
...and, rejected. The girl turned out to be hell of a shy one. She was very uncomfortable after I asked her out. Eyes low and away from me, uncertainty of phrasing ("Me? Well... I don't know... Write me [through the social network], if you want..."), nothing specific and certainly no "Fuck yeah, let's go out" - which, I believe, means I have nothing of interest to look for here. It's a good thing. I figured: if she doesn't want to spend time with me on her own, why am I to chase her, to persuade her to do so? why am I to want to spend time with her - a person not interested in me? Now, granted, I was a bit too far from appealing as I approached her. I looked good as always, but I spoke very quietly - even by my own standards. I was nervous and wasn't prepared for when she came out of the lecture room; could I ever be? Either way, my performance wasn't as good as I was high-hoping for, but - I did it; even the self-hater in myself can't deny that, or that it was good. I feel like I'm unconsciously looking for such girls: shy, insecure or unconfident, as if to feel superior to them in a twisted way. This isn't what I consciously want: I want to find a person who'd want to be with me without me having to persuade them. How big of a part is my performance in convincing a girl? how much my (perceived) confidence matters as I ask her out?