A picture is worth a thousand words. The entire section concerning "To the north... to the east... west of the bay..." etc. describing the land might work better as a map. I think it would give the player something to take interest in, where they can pass their eye over it and see what land forms interest them while you say the rest of the story.

I'd also recommend removing most of the beginning before that, where the player seems to be waking up. There doesn't need to be so much purple prose when you can get to the meat of the story quickly. Start with "You find yourself awoken by an elf on a cold marble platform..."

That's all just literary critique, but as for the world itself:

Consider what will make your world unique, and start there. For instance, do you have any other intelligent beings, perhaps a very uncommon one in fantasy fiction, but is common to your world? Perhaps a species you've invented wholesale? Dewin would be better as one of those. If you're starting with the player character being confused and having no idea where he is or what Dalk is, take the player out of their element, too, by giving them something strange and non-traditional.