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But, to be fair, all of these things with the exception of 3 could apply to her being his cousin. I think they're siblings though. There's too much repetition with the old movies to not have them be brother and sister. My thought, and there's huge holes like age discrepancy, is that Snoke told Ben to kill all the jedi. He couldn't kill his sister and thought he would get away with sending her off. Snoke knew and put Ben's training on hold and he could only continue when he proved he left behind his family.