I have a friend who has decided, it seems, to stop being my friend - responding to event invites, getting back to texts inquiring if he's okay, the like. You know how when something happens and you don't literally actually know why but you have one or two really strong theories? But the thing is those theories are disappointing and you don't want to believe them because you'd like to believe people are better than that? That is how I am feeling about this situation right now. As a result I am not trying very hard to dig any further.
I "got the message" this past week when this person failed to even respond to my 3rd invite (over the past 3-4 weeks). I decided, as a good friend, it was my due diligence to give him the benefit of the doubt and at least reach out to him and ask if he was ok - it could be remarkably self-centered for me to assume his silence was directed at me if shit in his life had hit the fan. Now that he has basically confirmed his actions by not bothering to respond to me at all, I am quite willing to let this friend go. It has been observed by multiples that his friendship seems to take energy from me and not pay dividends. I can say, yes, he has been a crappy friend lately, (past year, maybe, even) and that I am pretty OK letting him go. However my final proof basically came through yesterday/today and so it's impossible not to consider these events for a little bit, you know? I wonder, what his reasons are. Are they really what I think? Does he think that shutting me out quietly like this will incite an emotional reaction in me? Because frankly this is the best way to stop being friends IMHO; it is honest, it is clear-cut, I can take my hint. There is no drama. It is not like this person to not cause drama. Is there something that precipitated this which I'm not considering or aware of? I find it impossible not to spend some time pondering in this line. However...I have thought for a while he is not a friend who helps make my life more positive. That he has done more to prevent growth than help it. So I am copasetic to this ending. I do not think I am going to welcome him back in if he comes knocking six months down the road. I don't need friends who only want to be my friends sometimes.
At a certain age and in a certain romantic paradigm, such problems can also be caused by one party thinking the other party has spurned their advances. That the advancing party lacks the competence or confidence to make such advances clear and unequivocal rarely plays into it. It was bad when I was in my early '20s but having interacted with "you kids" via forums such as these over the past 20 years, I can say with no hesitation that the game has changed faster than the players can adapt. It happens. Someone's got a crush that they can't work up the nerve to tell so instead they go silent and pissy because their shyness morphs into antagonism. Dunno that's what's going on here, but it wouldn't be the first time.