Jarring how many of my goals are externally driven ("mix two features" - the one that is in play isn't done, and the one that popped up last week isn't near ready for me to touch it) or no longer something I want to pursue. Having done four rounds of hot yoga I'm pretty much mad at yoga. Donating blood? I almost lit into the guy on the phone today.

Give blood, and they'll call and remind you every six weeks. Give platelets? Which you have to set aside like four hours of your day? And chew Tums when your lips get numb? And squeeze when the thing beeps and unsqueeze when it beeps the other way? And answer 90 embarrassing and irrelevant questions ("No, Bloodworks, I still didn't receive a blood transfusion in Kenya between 1972 and 1987, thanks for asking again") every time? And get your blood pressure taken twice? And then feel like hammered shit for twelve hours after?

Yeah. So platelets you can do every week.

So they call you every week.

And they ask if they can schedule you. For like tomorrow. And if you say yes, you go in, and you get the stinkeye from the lady because you just don't want to bring in her printed fucking barcode card because it disintegrates in your wallet and there you are, doing a good deed that is ruining your afternoon and wrecking your day and you're being castigated. And then they decide you're giving six units because fuck you, Charlie, and if you say your arm feels really, really bad they say "just hang on you're almost done" which means another 20 minutes. And if you made the mistake of under-hydrating you're going to be light-headed and headachey for 48 hours and utterly incapable of following the plot twists on The Price Is Right. And if you made the mistake of over-hydrating you're going to need to pee like a racehorse because they set your ass for 116 minutes, fucker.

And then you get a cookie.

And then, when they call two weeks later and say they want to schedule you, you say "didn't I just, like do that?" And they say "it's been over 11 days, Mr. bl00," like you're the asshole.

And then you read that a burn victim likely needs 100 units of platelets for her grafts and here you are, pissed off at your involvement and you've only given eighteen, fucker, you aren't even a fifth of the way to a burn victim. And everyone around you, except for the phlebotomists, is a volunteer. And you know what? You've been the only person in there. For four fucking hours. So clearly they need you.

But sweet holy jesus you think they'd figure out some way to show it.

So anyway. I'm thinking of "retiring" some of my goals. Because I feel bad for resenting being tortured so I don't want to think about it.

And all that sure doesn't make me feel like programming an Android app.