Map Those lonely, tiny blue polygons drowning in red in the south and midwest? Cartogram They're where the people are, and they're lonely blue islands every election, and they don't matter because of gerrymandering, which I know you know because you reminded me last time I got a little misanthropic.Know what? I want your side to start winning elections, too. But you're not going to. You're stupid fucking rednecks. Sure - not all of you. But enough of you. And you know what? Every time we try and help out the rest of you ungrateful little shits? We're not helpful enough. "What's the matter with Kansas?" It's a fucking shithole full of ignorant rednecks that want to go back to the barefoot, pregnant and syphilis days, duh. And that's why everyone with half a fucking clue moves away, and that's why your population is collapsing, and that's why there's nobody left to work the farm, and that's why you have a sea of fucking Walmarts instead of culture.
And I know they're lonely blue islands. And I know they're fucked by gerrymandering. My peeps even hosted them for a month to try and stem the tide. But that year, Tom Fucking Delay was the House majority leader, elected by those same Texas shitheads. And here's the thing - I can vote blue as fuck, I can give money, I can fight the good fight, and my daughter still has to deal with fuckin' Texas Jesus riding a brontosaurus textbooks. Because in this battle? The issue is fucking rural contagion spills all over everybody else. A blue "coastal elite" helping a red state means better education, healthcare and workplace protections. A red state redneck influencing a blue state? That means fuckers in my bedroom. But what's the problem? A liberal "bubble." Except even this fuckhead argues that the fuckin' hillbillies are self-selecting for their own news sources despite being inundated by "the liberal mainstream media". It's still somehow the liberals' fault. Any media survey you care to look at will expound on the fact that conservatives are far more vulnerable to bias. So there comes a time when we need to stop blaming the cavalry for not doing enough. Fuckin' fight your own injuns for once and give us a call when there's a reason to bother. Because it's not like the Southern Strategy created the backwards racism the Republicans are exploiting. They just said it was okay.
So the liberal bubble conversation isn't the conversation I want to be having either, because I don't live in one of the blue islands, though I live adjacent to one. I'm most certainly not in a bubble unless it's a bubble with a population of one, and I didn't see this coming either. Here's the conversation I wish we were having: I voted for Clinton in the primary, despite being a socialist myself, because I figured the best chance of avoiding a Republican presidency was to go with the blue dog, because she should have been inoffensive to anyone on the right not foaming at the mouth and those of us to her left are voting defensively anyway. Then, like francopoli, I start hearing people with rebel flags on their trucks saying they kinda liked Sanders, but they hate Clinton because emails and her husband got a blowjob once in the 90s and whargarble. And I wrote that off during silly season because those guys have to be outliers and she's running against the comic relief so she's pretty much a sure thing, right? Then the comic relief won, and I'm talking about Marx with the guys with the rebel flags and loaning surveys of anarchism to a preacher who's taken an interest in Tolstoy and I'm wondering if we, coastal elites and upper middle class professional rednecks alike, missed a turn somewhere and the way to win is to be more radical rather than make concessions to the right. So that's the conversation I wish we were having, because in my little unenlightened corner of the world it seems like people are open to the far left or the far right, but not to the center.
Fuckin' goobster was a caucus representative for Sanders. He stomped THE SHIT out of Clinton in WA. Know who won the South? Fuckin' Clinton. Know who won the coasts, the Southwest and the great lakes? Fuckin' Sanders. So even those democrats in those red states, when given a choice between a crazy-haired socialist or the Woman We All Hate, went with the pantsuit. So we had that conversation. And it went just as poorly.
Kansas (a prior example of shitfucking redstate flyover rednecks) went to Sanders 67% to 32%. Switching gears for a minute, the Central Region went to Teamsters United in the IBT election. Redneck Fly Over America tried to vote in a Teamster that did his damnedest to force a strike at UPS a few years ago. The Eastern and Western Regions? They picked Hoffa.So even those democrats in those red states, when given a choice between a crazy-haired socialist or the Woman We All Hate, went with the pantsuit.