And I thought I was alone in experiencing this! My mother tongue is Dutch but I'm fluent in English as well. English is the language I use as soon as I am on my computer or another device (e.g. chatting, internet searches,.. are always in English). Whenever I speak English, it is as though I turn into a person that is more me. I've noticed a few things: 1) I am usually a shy person, but when I speak English the shyness simply isn't there as much and I actually dare to talk about my own personal views and opinions. 2) When speaking English I am more fluent and I can speak with greater clarity. The words just come to me, while in Dutch I get caught up in my words and blackout more easily. 3) I feel as though many things I say or think in Dutch sound really silly, especially when talking about deep subjects such as death and the meaning of life. In English, my opinions about these things somehow just "make sense" or "ring true", while in Dutch I feel like a weirdo, and odd-ball saying silly things that other people might make fun of. 4) In English I dare to speak my opinion more easily, while in Dutch I am much more reluctant to do so (maybe because of point 3). Why is this so? I've contemplated this and in my case I would say that English has become the language in which I am most used to expressing my true self. Moreover, Dutch is the language in which I've encountered the most "resistance" or "disapproval" regarding my thoughts and opinions, and maybe this has caused me to feel uncertain when talking in Dutch and be more "on my toes" in order to avoid disapproval and weird looks. ("Oh gosh what will they think of me!")
I am not sure what it is like for other multi linguists, but I have started to think in English and use English for everything on the computer and the internet (which I use a lot). I have many English speaking online friends whom I discuss deep issues with, while this is not something I do frequently with people face-to-face in my mother tongue. Perhaps this is why I am so at ease when speaking English and my true self comes out more, who knows. So I can definitely relate, psulli! Glad to know other people notice this difference too! Would you say you also feel more comfortable when speaking Spanish? Or is the difference simply in the way you interact?
Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Feeling more you in a language that isn't your mother tongue? It'd be interesting to hear about it.
I would have never imagined that someone would describe their mother tongue as inhibiting. Maybe it's not our fault that we American's are self-centered loudmouths? ;) My wife (who's native tongue is Chinese) has related that there are some topics that she doesn't feel she can speak about clearly in Chinese. I have to wonder if the language builds cultural tools, and therefore some languages are better able to work within certain cultural situations. I've often wondered at German, and the advances in modern Philosophy and Physics that came from speakers of that language. Can German more easily handle the mesh between the abstract and the physical world? My 5mo daughter is hearing (and hopefully learning) Chinese and English everyday. I wonder if she will feel like the two languages express different sides of her personalities.
There could definitely be some truth in that! When I think about it, almost all of the "research" I have done into just about anything I can think of right now had been in English. So the vocabulary I used to think and talk about those subjects were English. Maybe it is then more difficult to discuss those same subjects in another language (Dutch for me) than in the language I usually use to think/talk about those subjects. That might also explain why there is a sense of uneasiness when using the Dutch to discuss those subjects, because I am simply not sure of how exactly to word my thoughts vocabulary-wise. Maybe this also applies to your wife when she feels she can't speak clearly about something in Chinese?
I would say it's a bit more complicated than that. Many English speakers I come into contact with aren't actually English, they may be from just about anywhere. English is just the language that (I dare to say) most people on the internet understand and use to communicate with others from different nationalities. So these people are English speakers from a whole lot of different countries, including Dutch. My guess would be that on the internet, you have much more control over which people you interact with, who you talk to, who you share your ideas and opinions with etc, generally leading to less conflicting conversations and less immediate feedback of disapproval (e.g. weird looks). Outside the internet we still have control over who we interact with, but definitely not always (think school, which has a major influence on our personal development). Perhaps because of this (being criticized less online, generally more offline/face to face) and because the language I use on the internet is English while the language I use in daily life is Dutch, I've come to feel much more at ease when speaking English. This is just my personal experience though, I bet it's completely different for other people! And of course there could be plenty of other reasons for it, like maybe the language itself, but I believe this (maybe we could even call it subtle "conditioning") might be a big factor too. However I do wonder if there are others who can relate with this in particular.
Eh, there could be something to say for that! We Dutch do have the reputation of being so direct it often turns blunt or even insulting. My experience of the Brits is that they are painfully keen on avoiding confrontation. And I think the Americans are also less likely to utter a provocative opinion than the Dutch. Dear! And on top of that: the Dutch are very proud of their language skills. So maybe we are sometimes too keen on pointing out imperfections in somebody else's speech. Although my experience is that we are way more keen in showing off our English than to bother listening to some non-native speaker speak Dutch... What do you think, Sparsile?
Oh, I didn't see your reply until I finished mine above! Hah yes the Dutch do have such a reputation! I however, am not really Dutch, I'm Belgian :p but I do speak Dutch (well, Flemish to be exact). Belgians aren't as direct as the Dutch, we are much more reserved and cautious, so I doubt this has to do with the Dutch's reputation! (see my reply above for some additional thoughts)