Thanks for writing. I had a period of self-reflection recently where I realized I was being a huge asshole and one of the things I came back to was this post. It's more of a reflection of my own terror - I've lost several close friends to suicide and a few people from my graduating class. Kb's comment is accurate, they were suddenly gone. So I was upset reading "I don't really want to be alive right now" - because the people I know that have actually crossed that barrier never talked like that.

But at the end of the day I have no right to be tearing into her. It's shitty. It's making the world a worse place to live in. And having a thick skin means nothing because even for me there was a time of life where an unkind word might have been the difference between life and death.

The passage of time scares the hell out of me too. I had certain life experiences and now I feel perpetually unsatisfied with most things. I feel like I want everything but I know I'll never get it. So I'll always feel inadequate. And it's the little things, like going to public spaces and noticing you're no longer the youngest person in the room...

I hope all is well and I'm sorry.