Hipsters do not exist. Once you accept that, the world comes into sharper focus.

Think about it - I'll bet you know people who self-identify as goths. I'll bet you know people who self-identify as candyravers. I'll bet you know self-described geeks, self-described metal-heads, self-described cowboys. But I'll bet you don't know any hipsters.

This is because "hipster" is a label we apply to someone we don't like. Is it "ironic?' No, simply derogatory. And it cuts to the very essence of cool, and it displays exactly what is wrong with mainstream society today.

A "hipster", as viewed from the outside, is someone who thinks it is cool to like things that are uncool. However, a "hipster," as viewed from the inside, is someone who thinks things are cool but lacks the confidence to believe they are cool.

"Irony" is the wrong word. "Frailty" is better. Find me a "hipster" standard and I will find you reasons to adore it above and beyond its "kitsch." Fixies would never have made it out of the velodrome if they weren't damn handy for scooting around the city. Big black glasses frames make you look smart but the lenses that go with them often make you blind. A trucker cap keeps your hair out of your face and if it falls in the street it gains panache, as opposed to that gawdawful fedora Jerry wears. But these are explanations you do not get out of "hipsters" because if they plant a flag in something they show a weakness.

Imagine Fonzie. Imagine Fonzie likes everything he likes. Now imagine him with Richie Cunningham's confidence, instead of Fonzie's.

BAM. Instant hipster.

The difference between a "hipster" and "anyone else" is the "hipster" lacks the courage to believe his values are worth fighting for.