That Kind of Girl is a movie about how casually people in the 1960s are able to bring up Hitler with Austrians. Also there is an incredibly sexist plot about women being unable to sleep with people without getting either pregnant or STDs. STIs. Whatever.

Am I missing a joke here? Was this film supposed to be tongue in cheek, because it feels sort of like it was made with a very dry sense of irony. Is that a thing? Did Gerry O'Hara troll the studio that paid him for this film? How come bras were so point in the 1960s?

Its such an odd film to see and to think about reviewing, because despite being an "exploitation" film its actually really, really boring. Its not even the dumb type of scary I've come to expect from similar American films like Reefer Madness. This seems exactly like Reefer Madness but with sex. Rimmer Madness? I dunno, I'm sure there's a great pun in there. Wait okay. Reef her madness. No. No I'm not feeling that one.

So the plot is bare bones because of course it is, why would you make a movie with a substantial plot? That might make people connect with characters and actually sort of maybe listen instead of zone out and think about how fun DOTA2 would be right now. Man. Warlock is rad. Oh, right. It follows the story of a handful of characters who names I can't keep track of because the film was made in the 1960s and I can't understand British accents or Austrian accents when they're thickly native. You can catch snippets, but names? Wateh ovv a ducks bahck.

The first character is the blonde lady called Eva, which is ironically the name of the girl from Man on the Moon if you remembered that bit. Luckily they look nothing alike or I would begin to think that my parents decided to hide this in my instant que as some sort of passive aggressive preemptive judgment that was impossibly well coordinated. She is Austrian. She apparently thinks being asked her opinion on Hitler is goddamn hilarious and has sex with a whopping THREE MEN the little whore. I'm winning; I've had sex with five. Take that.

The second character is an old creepy man who hangs around night clubs and picks up chicks. He is very creepy but also in to advertising. This movie is basically Mad Men. His primary characteristic is being incredibly creepy and having a receding hairline. I'm going to call him Larry. Then there's the two younger guys she ends up either sleeping with or kissing (a great way to spread Syphilis), who have no defining features aside from "works at a library and isn't in this film" and "has a girlfriend." I'm going to call them both Larry.

Okay good so you know the cast.

Larry sees Eva at either a restaurant or something and asks her out to a dance. Hey movie, fuck you, I wasn't going to ask her out while she was reading all the way across the store, that's rude. I try to be polite. Seriously movie, you stop that. Stop it.

Anyway, Larry asks her out and she says yes, so they both end up at a dance club in somewhere, where Larry sees her. He brings his creepy old man ass up to her and decides to take her out as well. Since Eva apparently lacks all free will, she says yes to Larry, much to Larry's dismay. She then goes on a march against the bomb protest with Larry, but misses her bus home, so she's picked up by Larry who drives her back to her house. Larry then has a fight with his girlfriend and goes to find Eva, they sleep together, and then we're in the second half of the movie.

You see, it turns out Larry has syphilis, the easily curable STD that people today would rather have than herpes, because herpes doesn't go away. Its like the glitter of the STD world. Larry gave Eva syphilis - seriously movie? come on, fuck off - and she then gave it to literally everyone who came in contact with her, including a baby which is bad. Also apparently its her fault, even though Larry gave her the syphilis. Whatever she's a woman, and women are all basically evil sluts haha. ha. Ha. Yeah...I sure showed those women. Take that, girls who wouldn't go out with me. Its probably because I'm too nice.

Anyway, Larry sleeps with his girlfriend, she gets pregnant, everyone finds out they have the clap, Eva gets crazy calls from Larry - not that Larry, keep up - there's a small fight, the police arrest Larry, Larry says he won't be caught with movie title, annnnd then Larry and his girlfriend live happily ever after.

Now that nobody is confused let's move on.

Why give this a "Don't Watch?

I'm actually surprised that I did. I expected to find this movie dumb funny in the same way I find all bad films of this nature dumb funny. I mean, most of the elements are there. Characters behave irrationally, the entire plot is dependent upon everyone being super unlucky, the characters aren't at all realistic - okay I know people were more closed about sex back then but teenagers have been fucking like jackrabbits for as long as humans have been able to put on clothes - and they are all successful white people, the type of characters I can relate to the most.

There's problems though. For one, despite a few scenes, its actually just sort of boring. Turns out a lot of movies tend to be that way, and its not the good kind of Meek's Cutoff boring but the bad kind. The Alien Origin kind. Its not so much pulling the drag chute as just not being interesting or fun. Characters might not behave irrationally but they do people stuff. They go to school, they dance, they eat. They don't shit, apparently, because I don't think I saw a toilet in this film, but they're not doing crazy shit like Reefer Madness.

Now here's the big problem. Yeah, these exploitation films are nuts and ridiculous. That's the point, its a scare tactic. It fails basically all the time because it turns out children and high school kids are way smarter than these movies think, and so it becomes hilarious. The joke becomes the film. Awesome, great.

When you make the film boring, when people stop laughing at the screen, then what you are left with is a mostly boring movie about how all women should be virgins and those that aren't will have their lives ruined for all time, and women should be scolded for everything without support period, especially supportive police officers in an attempted rape. Yeah, there's attempted rape in the film.

This is here to separate a small rant from the actual review, please pay no mind

So can we not do these kind of things in film please? I mean, is it not too much to ask to not have this kind of shit sprung on me?

I don't like rape scenes, I don't like children getting murdered, I don't like violence against women. Sometimes they need to be presented for whatever reason, but if that's the case can we have some...tact? Or at least make it so fucking ridiculous you just immediately disengage from the scene. Or something. I mean, why? What did that add? That if you sleep with an old bachelor who clearly sleeps around a whole lot he's going to go crazy and try and rape you then call you for weeks? Okay?

No? In what world does that happen on a regular basis? Eva is supposed to represent a sort of everywoman, right? Are they saying that EVERYONE who sleeps with ANY old man is going to suddenly have a violent rape stalker? That doesn't even make a little bit of sense. Why not just cut that whole scene? Although, actually, now that I think about it, it was handled way better than it could have been. She was never reprimanded for what she wore, nobody blamed her. They actually got her to the police.

But seriously, this kind of weird fetish hollywood...or...whatever Britain has, their weird fetish with violence against women? I'm really done with it guys. Its not something I want to see. Its not pleasant. Its not edgy, its usually just disgusting. I mean, there are WAY worse scenes out there - even some games, if you've played the new Tomb Raider - but still. Adding an attempted rape upon layers and layers of sexism? Not okay.

How sexist is this film?

Jesus christ. I don't even want to try and list it. I'll do some more major points presented in the film.

1. Women aren't allowed to sleep with anyone before marriage at all.

2. The minute they sleep with someone they have to earnestly think about marrying them.

3. Women literally have no ability to defend themselves from anything.

4. If a woman says something you should ignore it and know what she is feeling. They literally, and I couldn't believe it when I heard it, use the line "You shouldn't listen to what I say, you should know how I feel!" which is the most bonkers, back-assward thinking you could possibly have in a relationship. JUST FUCKING SAY WHAT YOU WANT.

5. Women are expected to want a lot of sex once they are in marriage. This is glossed over briefly but man, its a good thing spousal rape isn't a thing. Oh right.

6. Even if they find the man creepy and don't really like them, women should go out with them anyway because they're willing to take them out. Their feelings don't matter.

7. Its more important to get the father's approval than the daughter's in terms of marriage.

There's way more small things that slip through, but jesus. It just goes on and on, for men too. Apparently I just want sex all the time. At this moment I am thinking about having sex with every single one of you. That's right. Even you. Okay but not you. You need a bath, go clean that up, its like the great coral reef down there.

I'm actually a bit happier leaving this film, though. I mean, just what, 50 years ago, we were basically treating women entirely like objects and/or animals? I mean shit. 50 years? It took over 400 to go "hey wait, what if we didn't enslave black people? Civil rights, what's that?" I think we've made pretty decent progress. At least now when a guy cheats on a girl most people who aren't asshats will give her the thumbs up for kicking him the testes. There's that.

Also nobody in the 60s can dance. I guess that's my review? I'm pretty tired at this point, so maybe I missed a joke about it all? Or something?

DONE

Oblivion - Slightly less sexist than That Kind of Girl! But only a bit Apollo 18 - Fuck everything about this Meek's Cutoff - That poster is $90 Renoir - Basically the same as Brick That Kind of Girl - I feel the need to go help out with something feminist now.

NOT DONE

NOTHING, EAT IT

FAN REQUEST FRIDAY

What could it possibly be? Stay tuned tonight to find out!