I guess the first step would be, stop trying to date anyone. At all. Just don't. You want to focus on you, right? So just tune out romantic notions.

That would rock, if it weren't so damn difficult. When I say I'm good at being a boyfriend, I mean that I frequently come up with, completely spontaneously, little ideas/gifts/thoughtful gestures that I know a S.O. would appreciate, but would not be allowed for any female friend (They all seem to be in relationships, some good, some bad) This happens without any forethought on my part, and NOT having an outlet for my 'romantic' energy causes anxiety and depression.

The personal hierarchy thing is something I've been working on for a long time. I was raised very religious, so overcoming the 'God First, Others Second, Yourself Third(Last)' takes a lot of de-conditioning, even thought I no longer practice or believe in that faith.

And yes, I'm aware the things I enjoy don't have to be solitary, however, unless priority is set, at some point to meet people, simply pursuing the hobbies themselves to their end isn't going to make me new friends. My desire for a S.O., rather than hookups, given my age, comes from a desire to have someone to appreciate those things with, who values a lot of the same things that I do, currently that void, for lack of a better word, is occupied in bits and pieces, but not totally, and not by any one person.

Remember too the 'general male conditioning' of 'I can only be emotionally intimate with people I am physically intimate with as well,' so there's even a hard limit on the times/places where I can express these feelings.

I know I sound defeatist, but I can't help but wonder if it's the rational response.