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    It hurts and it will probably change the course of my life career wise for the better or the worst.
I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment. The strange thing about life is that you never get to see the alternate paths, you know?

I was in a 5 year long relationship prior to meeting my wife. I used to wonder about what my life might have been like if we didn't break up etc. Then after my wife and I had children that all ended. There are seemingly infinite directions our lives could go in. That can be disconcerting to some, but to me I find it extremely exciting and even encouraging. Good luck with it and thanks for sharing!