I don't know if I'm looking for love! Ha. This thread has taken interesting turns but one of them is that some people have interpreted this as me going "I'm searching for a relationship!" The truth is much more, "I don't know if I even want a relationship or if I just feel like society is telling me I have to be in one to be 'complete.' " I have been casually dating some people and one asked me to commit and I basically ran away - not that that is a bad thing! Maybe a committment is way more than I want or need right now. (Yes, a committment is way more than I want or need right now.) But that leaves me with the question, then what do I want? Do I want to be in a casual, committment-free 'arrangement' (as I've also gotten an offer for)? I don't think I really care as long as whoever I am interacting with is not making me feel like crap. I feel like my main priority in interpersonal relationships right now is just making sure that I feel like I'm treated ok, and if I run into a guy/get entangled with a guy that doesn't, making sure I get out of the situation and not putting myself through that kind of damage, not letting anyone treat me in a way that leaves me feeling bad, or even pathetic or unwanted.

I'm pretty good at dropping people when I start feeling like the interaction is unequal. I guess I'm wondering if there is some middle space between 'a relationship' and 'fuck buddies' that is inhabitable, and if that is what I want. I'm not sure. I think I'm ok with the arrangement but I find myself asking, is just being ok with it enough? And this goes into the career too. I'm okay with my job. But shouldn't I be driving towards a passion? Your comment about writing hits the nail closest on the head in terms of "good applicable advice" because writing is my primary passion right now. (Well, I've also decided I want a sixpack, so I guess I have to add working out to my passions.) And I think if I want to end up where I want in life, doing something remotely resembling my passions, I just need to keep writing and follow it where it leads me.

I guess part of my original question was really "I don't think I want to be in a relationship, is that wrong?" because I think a lot of society/movies/whatever say that the relationship is utmost. Hell I know six couples getting married this year - shit, no, seven - two are my first two boyfriends, one is my "signficiant-bombed-that-relationship-broke-my-heart" supernova, etc. So people I have been very close to are getting married and I'm like "Ugh, I don't want that," but seeing it happen makes me feel like, "Hey, aren't I supposed to?" (Seeing all these marriages is why I decided to get a six pack. They are getting married. I want to look and feel amazing.)

So anyway I guess there's more detail on where I'm coming from. I make myself a priority already, I think maybe I just need to keep doing it. or do it more so.