A very important skill to have. We are all terrible (manipulative) people to varying degrees and not admitting to that is just as terrible as being terrible. Get outta here with that holier-than-thou complex, asshole. Sigh. Anyways, this seems less like grrlski (not that the tag isn't relevant, Ref) and more like "hey everyone, common sense is fuckin awesome, amirite?" If we're terrible people and our goal is to try and be less terrible, then that would mean being less manipulative, which means not saying "I have a boyfriend", or for guys, not giving those stupid fucking backhanded compliments meant to undermine confidence. What is it called? Negging? What a load of bullshit. The fear of leading people on, on both sides, stems from miscommunication, on both sides.I know when I'm a terrible person.
I was struggling with appropriate tags for this post, to be honest. Negging, lol. I think we're all terrible people sometimes and I don't know if it would be the best for us to try not to be all the time. Like for instance, if you are breaking up with someone, you're going to hurt them. That's kind of the inevitability of the act. In that way you could be regarded as "terrible" or feel that you are "terrible" because you are causing harm. However, for your own happiness, that harm becomes necessary. Otherwise you stay in a terrible relationship, or at least, one that isn't right for you - and the consequences for all will probably be more painful down the road. I think we have to accept some of the pain we inflict in life as inevitable.
Right, but then there are a couple of ways of breaking up, right? Incoming story that I cringe just thinking about but will get through for the sake of discussion. Had one girlfriend in HS. It was literally just for the sake of having a girlfriend. She was really nice but there was literally nothing we had in common except maybe videogames, which I think she pretended liking more than she did because she liked me (in retrospect I've always been terrible with signals). We "dated" for about a month but I didn't enjoy myself, or know what I was doing, or feel comfortable at all. But I still sorta wanted a girlfriend because that's what you do in highschool, right? You get a girlfriend and regret it immensely for every moment until you break up, the cool kids do it, yeah? So anyways I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't really want to break up with her but I still kinda liked her for the sake of having a gf highschool is confusing. So I decided I wouldn't be the one to break up with her. So I just sorta stopped talking to her. If you think that's as awkward as that sounds, you would be correct! I just cold-shouldered her at school everyday, and it was hella awkward and cemented my belief that dating in highschool is like dating in the workplace. Eventually she just sent me a text saying we weren't going out anymore and I got to feel the sense of relief that comes from holding in a vomit and finally letting it out because god dammit it needed to happen at some point right? (that might have happened to me last night, it might also be why this comment reads like a speed-story.) Anyways, the point I'm trying to get to is that that was much more terrible a way of doing it than just being honest to her and saying that we had nothing in common and that I wasn't even a bit close to being in the right position and mindset to have a girlfriend (still am not). The former is terrible, the latter is inevitable, but the honesty makes it genuine, not terrible. I'm gonna go buy crackers and sprite now.
LOL. Oh, poor you. I will give that there are ways to minimize the terrible-ness of certain situations. However, I think that some can't be avoided, if they do fall upon your shoulders. Like what if you are a manager and you have to fire someone? Even if they deserve to get fired - late on projects, dicking around at work, and so on...I still think that would make me feel like a terrible person. I fired someone! I said "You have the right to make money to support yourself, sure...BUT NOT HERE." I think there are jobs where being "terrible" comes up more than others. like being a judge for instance. Imagine that every day you had to decide, "she's in the right, she's in the wrong" and base it NOT on your opinion of moral justice but on the letter of the law. I think that you would have to deal with feeling terrible there a lot more than you would if you were a kindergarten teacher. Or like, I don't know, a landscaper.
No, it wouldn't be. I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this without sounding like an asshole, but sometimes being a terrible person is what needs to be done. 8bit hit the nail on the head with what he wrote above. I say things and put on an air when I know damn well what I'm getting at, and based on how the other person responds I know if it's working or not. And out of those times sometimes whatever angle I'm playing works, and I win. It's a good feeling sometimes, other times it's a terrible feeling depending on the situation. But it's a good way of getting information.I think we're all terrible people sometimes and I don't know if it would be the best for us to try not to be all the time.