Very powerful words. Thank you. I can relate strongly to everything you said. One of the things I've been working on is loving myself as I do others. I realized one day that if I truly believe everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally, why would I exclude myself from the "everyone" umbrella? I do, just as much as everyone, deserve to be loved. It's the allowing myself to feel that that seems to be taking time. But, all things in due time. Why, if you don't mind my asking, do you hold yourself to a higher standard and what is the benefit of doing so?
It does take time. But it gets easier. I can do it on my own, but my counselor and my girlfriend help significantly. I'm sure, as narcissistic as it is, that I will love myself more once I'm graduated from school (Which I still think is just to get a piece of paper saying that I'm a grown up) and have a job that will allow me to survive my heart disease independent of my parents. I don't mind sharing. I'd direct you first to this post. Essentially, I was raised as a 'gifted' child, and a religious one at that. I came to believe that my slightly above average intelligence, empathy, etc, were a direct command to BE better than my peers, BE the stronger person, take that which others can't, bear the unbearable so that 'weaker' people don't break. I'm smarter, so I should push myself to achieve academically like others simply can't even in their greatest effort. I'm more empathetic and kind so I should be more moral, more generous (Especially when giving of myself). My heart condition precluded me from athletics, so clearly my lifes work would be of the mind, of the human condition. In a moment of blinding clarity I realized that when I was very young I accepted that it was an abnormal condition for me to be content or happy. If I am content, then there is something else I should be doing. If I am happy, or satiated, someone else is going without.It's the allowing myself to feel that that seems to be taking time. But, all things in due time.
Isn't waiting for school to be over just another condition? Won't there be something else afterwards? Why not start loving yourself now, no matter the situation?
I was in a similar position as you as I just graduated in June. Once I learned how much debt I was in, I hated myself for deciding to get that piece of paper. I have, for the most part forgiven myself for that. I've learned that there really are advantages to that piece of paper, whether it should be so or not. Hmm, that's interesting for you to have that realization. I think it might be healthy to at least allow yourself some happiness. Yes, being content while others are starving may not be the best, but realizing how nice our current situation in this country is should allow some happiness.
Most likely. Work in progress my friend. Some days are easier than others. I have note on the desktop of my computer that has a running tally of my student debt on it. Again, working on it. Me being happy does not increase someone elses suffering. I have to repeat that to myself. When I am happy I try not to acknowledge it, because it will flee just as quickly. Mostly that last bit just makes me feel guilty. By a cosmic roll of the dice I was born in a place with medicine advanced enough to allow me to survive. By the roll of the same dice, hundreds of kids under 6 years old will die, burned to death in a sewer pipe by police officers in Bogota.Isn't waiting for school to be over just another condition? Won't there be something else afterwards?
Why not start loving yourself now, no matter the situation?
Once I learned how much debt I was in, I hated myself for deciding to get that piece of paper.
Hmm, that's interesting for you to have that realization. I think it might be healthy to at least allow yourself some happiness. Yes, being content while others are starving may not be the best, but realizing how nice our current situation in this country is should allow some happiness.
I definitely am. I appreciate the song. For future reference, I am an ex-christian, and will be anti-christian for quite some time. This isn't an attack on you by any means, but the bible gives me no satisfaction. My faith, when I had it, gave me no comfort and was a source of a lot of stress and anxiety.