I'm learning (by trial and error) that my best piece of financial advice I could give anyone is DON'T HAVE A FUCKING WEDDING!!! Bleeding cash from orifices that I didn't even know existed.
Ours cost $1500. It was dope. We held it out on an island, invited 13 people, paid for dinner for everybody and then had a potluck reception two weeks later at my uncle's house (he's got 5 acres of park-like land). Not sure about your deposits, but you can reef back on that shit.
Our stories start out similar, then diverge drastically. Going to Maui on Thanksgiving (even that was a compromise to my family; I wanted Koh Samui or maybe even the Maldives--somewhere nobody would follow). 15 friends and family are joining us. Maui isn't cheap, but, hey, 15 people isn't that many. Even at $200 a plate, you're not too deep. Then comes the fun part. We said, "Hey, we'll have a party sometime after we come back." Once our moms got hold of that idea it was a completely transformed into a fucking nightmare regular old straight up wedding reception, thus completely and utterly ruining the whole idea behind going to a far off place where only the loyalists would attend. So, while you're technically right that I can get out of this bullshit and only lose my $1000 deposit, I'd never live it down. It's written in goddam blood. There are many times that I'm appreciative that I have a large, close-knit and supportive family. This is a rare exception.
Yeah. That's always been an intellectual problem I've faced with the whole thing. I'd much, much rather have the down payment on a house than a wedding, and they generally seem to cost about the same - though of course both can run high, depending on the house and/or wedding.
I'm on track to spend about $20k of my own money, and about $15k of my parents' and in-laws' money. It's ridiculous. No other way to put it. It'll be fun though, and of course you feel grateful that all these people want to support you. It's definitely about more than finance, but the money alone can give you a heart attack.