Aha, I missed a huge amount due to the language barrier, then.
That is the point, I wanted you to. She is talking about what may be and probably is the worst moments/time of her life. And she just looks focused. The thing is that she is saying/has said that she has moved on, and that if she hadn't she wouldn't have been able to make the movie she made. And I really get that, the whole "well I got through it, but why the fuck did I have to?" The whole getting angry and not sad. Sometimes I do this thing where I'll tell a joke and people start to worry instead of laugh E.g I've had it happen that I say "funny story" say something I honestly thought/think is funny and people react with basically silence and concern. It is a very sweet reaction and I don't mind it - but it is a reminder that people to think I'm slightly crazy.