So my life is basically gone - at least like it used to be.

I was that busy IB kid who swimmed 1 hour a week did boxercize on sundays and theater 2 hours on wednsdays. And was politically active. And got good grades.

But I felt tired all the time - I couldn't keep awake during lessons even as I tried ( and the teachers reaction was that of worry and not anger. They even let me fucking sleep sometimes.) - i got winded walking up the stairs - I would sleep during my free perisods. And everything felt so HARD. Everyone else had the energy to socialize and I had to focus to just keep myself staning on my feet for 5 minutes. I would usually just give up and sit down on the floor. I froze all the time. Shivered even though I wore heavy wool sweaters. I would go home and fall asleep on the bus. I would lay down in my bed and sleep and maybe browse the internet.

I thought I was just lazy and shit at studying because it felt so hard to focus. I though I was lazy because that is what my dad told me - and still tells me even as the nurses that give medical advice told my mother to take me to the ER because I seemed seriously ill and worst case scenario it was something with my heart. And the doctor basically said that something was seriously wrong and that they would take some tests and hopefully it wasn't something immidiatly terrifyingly deadly. (It's not - I have a time at the specialist next week. Ask and I will explain but I am already ranting)

And I just... I just eat and lay down and take baths and surf the internet and sleep if it's a good day and lay down to tired to even listen to podcasts I've heard before.

I'm fucking tired and frustrated and sick. Like really fucking sick.

And my parents think the idea of bringing me water and maybe even food to my bed is stupid so I have to drag myself out of bed and down the stairs and then prepare my food, take adlevenol and something to drink myself or I don't get any.

I am so glad I am good at cooking I can do that with a 38 degree fever. I know because I have.

I just hate this whole situation so, so , so much.

Also sorry bout all the mistakes in spelling but this computers spellcheck is Swedish. I'll get to fixing that but I just installed steam. I have "order of the stick" to play.