1.

also on some level I knew he was right, at least in terms of intended message)

We sometimes get even more defensive if we suspect there's some truth in the perceived attack.

Today someone I loved said something mean and sarcastic to me. It's hard, but I am trying to see those comments as an expression of his pain (which it was). The sarcasm spreads the pain to others. I did say, "Are you being sarcastic?" He said, "Yes." I didn't say, "I'm sorry you're feeling pain."

2.

If I didn't care about someone's opinion, I would just ignore it. But when I do care, and they hide their criticisms behind insults, it's painful.

You care about what you care about. Not caring is the real enemy. When we care less, we become less kind. Q mentions in his comments: "I didn't view you as someone to be nice to." -- He saw you as not being worthy of care. In fact, he diminished himself, isolated himself, became less humane. When he, in this case, stopped caring, he engaged in random acts of meanness. This made him even more unlovable, thus reinforcing his low opinion of himself.

3. But there's only so much we can care about without exploding or going mad. ("Humankind cannot bear very much reality" - T. S. Eliot)

4. And of course you can't just dump a friend because he doesn't like your music. But a little bit of your friendship dies. Your sense of oneness and sharing is no longer pure. The friend has expressed divergent and contrary opinions. It is a new friendship. To be a healthy friendship you have to "respect his opinion" -- (to refer to another conversation). By that I mean, let him have his opinion. It can differ from yours. But you are hurt because you want to be loved and appreciated.

At some point, perhaps much much later, you'll realize that not liking your music does not mean he doesn't like you. In fact he feels enough trust in the friendship to express his feelings to you. If you want to know more, say "Tell me more." Whatever he doesn't like, it's about the music. You are not your music -- but you don't know this yet. so you felt hurt.

Eventually, learn to surround yourself with people who care about your feelings.

Hubski is mostly safe, but not entirely.

If the waters get rough, look around and there might be a lifeguard in this ocean of thought.