have noticed that the use of "just" has exploded but my take on it is very different.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Actually, I'll just have a vodka tonic."

I hear "Actually, just" at least a dozen times in a shift.

Actually is a garbage word that people throw out all the time for no rhyme or reason. Actually a vodka tonic is a fucking drink! It's often has no purpose at in a sentence. One of the students at my child's preschool uses it all the time, I assume his parents do as well. My kid started using it a lot. Like a request that isn't accompanied by a please or may I, I stopped responding with anything other than "why are you using the word actually?/where is your please or may I?" My daughter seems to be weaning herself off the use.

Line to the door, it's 90 degrees out. "Actually I'll just have a Spanish coffee." If it's hot as fuck, 15 people are waiting for a drink behind you, the bar probably hasn't even brewed coffee. Don't order a drink that's going to take a few minutes even if there was coffee brewed, and don't say "just" diminishing the fact that it's an actual drink that takes time and care if. Might as well say "I just one small thing, a trifle, give me one mere Spanish coffee." It's not a two step, it takes time, you are going to put it in your mouth, suck it up an say "may I have a Spanish coffee?" It's fine, the 151 is moved out of site during the busy summer season, it's busy, you don't have coffee the person says "actually/just" we are out of 151 order something else. Don't know what you want, I'll just help the hoard of people behind you while you sort your shit out.

If someone is making you food, don't say you'll "just" have it. YOU ARE GOING TO PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH! Act like you give a shit, act like you really want it, like it isn't some kind of compromise you are making. Slumming it with a fucking T-bone, "Mmmm....Ahhhh...Actually, just gimmia me the T-bone, well done. You sack of shit, you want the most expensive thing on the menu, you want it well done, ruining any of the finer qualities it possesses and you let us know how much you care with your "just". Just is probably a verbal tick, they probably don't really mean to diminish the hard work that goes into making things they are going to PUT IN THEIR MOUTH, but still, it diminishes the work that people are going to go through to provide it.

"Actually, just gimmia a high life."

"May I have a high life please"

The second option even has less letters! WE could pretend that it's less work! The real lesson is that there is no difference between making either request but one is gracious and will at worst not offend but might ingratiate, the other will, at best, not offend but probably won't make you any friends. The second option makes people look less intelligent (gimmia, actually and just. Grammatical garbage and sloppy slang). Take time, use manners, eliminate garbage words that make you look dumb or unappreciative.

It seems like the need for using the word "just" comes from the fact that the US has a culture of not offending others, and because people have a hard time divorcing their work from their worth as a person.

It's hard not to do it, too. I can be looking at code from a coworker, and I can't just say "Hey, this method sucks, can you redo so that [reasons]" because it will be a hostile work environment. Instead I would have to go in a roundabout way and say something like "Hey, for this method, wouldn't it be better to have it do x instead of z".

Or when trying to set up a meeting with someone you want to impress, like I'm a startup founder and the person is a potential investor, I will want to use softer words and suck up to the person a little. I can't say "Hey, I'm flying to SF on Tuesday to meet you", I would have to say "Hey, I'll be in SF on Tuesday, would you be able to meet?".

I don't necessarily think it's bad, it's just how people navigate through the accepted behavior of our time/country/industry/office.

The Words Every Woman Should Know: "Stop interrupting me,” “I just said that,” “No explanation needed.”

as ll said, "Just" is a way to be more polite. I can go in a world where male use "just" more often. Having female say "just" less often, will just create more impolite asshole.